


Emergency Changes

by theonewhereimacompletemess



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Starting Over
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2020-03-30 20:03:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19034680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonewhereimacompletemess/pseuds/theonewhereimacompletemess
Summary: Kelley flees her life and moves out west to live with her best friend and get a fresh start after a rough couple of years.





	1. Chapter 1

Kelley knocks on the door to the townhouse as she bounces back and forth anxiously awaiting a reunion with her long-time best friend. It's been 3 years since she has seen Christen in person. Life having gotten in the way of many half planned trips to come visit each other. A strange feeling is settling over Kelley as she waits and sets her duffelbag  on the ground as it was starting to leave a red mark in her shoulder. Her whole life stuffed into one duffel bag as she knocks on the door of her soon to be new home.

Kelley briefly wonders about the woman she left behind in Kentucky and an ache fills her chest..

The door swings open and Kelley is met with the sight of tan skin and a bright smile as Christen rushes in for a hug and wraps her arms around Kelley's neck. Kelley pushes the thoughts of the blue eyed woman out of her mind for now.

"Kel! You made it! I missed you so much."

Kelley inhales deeply relaxing into Christen's embrace and feeling relief for the first time in a long time.

"Hey, Chris - I missed you too. Thanks for letting me stay here."

"No need to thank me, you know I'm always here for you," Christen replies as she let's go of Kelley and walks back through the door holding it open and waiting for her to come in.

"How was your flight?"

Kelley shrugs grabbing her duffel bag and entering the townhome. It is modern looking with an open concept and all wood floors (or vinyl that looks like wood) with just enough touches to indicate Christen lives here including a yoga mat near the TV and Sunflowers on the island in the kitchen. Kelley smiles at the thought that after all these years at least some things have remained constant like Christen's love of Sunflowers and Yoga. 

Christen closes the door to the townhome and quickly locks the deadbolt before turning to observe Kelley. She smiles at the sight of her best friend taking in the place and wonders at how Kelley has managed to stay as fit as she was in college. Christen has to remind herself for a second that time has passed since she met the bright eyed defender during her first summer training session at UK. They've both come a long way since then, but she knows Kelley's move here is a result of a rough year and a need for a new life. 

"The place is so nice, Chris. It suits you too. Where do you want me to drop my stuff?" 

"Up the stairs and to the right. You can take the spare room. There is no mattress yet, but I did set up the air mattress for now."

Kelley nods and gives a quick smile to show her gratitude before walking towards the stairs. She reaches the small room with an air mattress laid out on the ground and one small dresser across from it.  _Home sweet home._ Kelley sighs setting her duffel bag on the floor for now and flopping down on the mattress.

Blue eyes cross her mind and she shakes her head actively working to push away the thought.  _Alex isn't coming back, forget it._ Kelley pushes the thought away and begins to focus her mind on Christen who is probably downstairs making dinner for Kelley in an attempt to comfort. She always knew what Kelley needed before she even asked. It's amazing after all these years of unanswered texts and games of phone tag that Christen still knows just what she needs. Kelley sighs again as her eyes begin to close and she drifts off to sleep still in disbelief that she actually followed through and left Kentucky for good.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Christen flips the last grilled ham and cheese sandwich on to a plate and turns off the stove. She pauses for a moment wondering if she should go get Kelley or let her settle alone for a bit. It's strange having here but familiar at the same time. Christen just hopes she can be a safe place for Kelley. She doesn't have all the details yet, but Kelley had texted her in a panic a week ago needing a place to stay. Christen had immediately offered up her spare room without a need for explanation. From what Christen has deduced via social media, Alex and Kelley broke up and it looks like it may be for good this time judging by the engagement photos Alex posted today with a handsome looking man standing next to her and not Kelley.

Christen won't say I told you so, but she isn't at all surprised that Alex and Kelley didn't last. In her opinion, Kelley was always too good for Alex. Always giving her all to the relationship and never having that reciprocated by Alex. Anger boils up in Christen's chest unexpectedly as she fumes at how Alex could drop a 4 year relationship down the drain with the kindest person she's ever met. Christen pours a glass of wine and decides to give Kelley some space for now. She curls up on the couch and switches on Netflix hoping that a sitcom can get her mind off of her worry for her friend and now roommate for as long as Kelley wants to stay.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Kelley startles awake breathing erratically and struggling to regain her composure.  _Fucking nightmares again._ It had been months since Kelley had gotten a good night's sleep, always starting awake with a sheen of sweat covering her skin. She groaned loudly before realizing she was carefully tucked under a blanket and her shoes had been placed on the floor next to the air mattress.  _Christen._ Kelley thinks as she's suddenly less perturbed by her nightmares and smiles softly at the thought of Christen sneaking in to check on her. 

Kelley pads down the staircase and sees Christen curled up on the couch with a glass of wine in hand. Christen smiles in greeting as she makes eye contact with Kelley.

"Sandwiches by the stove if you're hungry"

"Oh thank God, you're the best Chris. I'm starving."

Christen chuckles knowingly and averts her eyes back to New Girl playing on the screen. Kelley sits down moments later silently chewing her sandwich and watching the screen. 

"Do you want to talk about?" Christen asks softly not daring to look at Kelley.

She hears Kelley sigh and set down her sandwich on the plate in front of her.

"Depends how much time you have..."

"For you babe, I've got all day," Christen replies and busts out laughing shortly after.

Kelley scoffs mocking offense, "Oh my God, you're never going to let that go are you? It was one time and I was a sophomore in college. It's not my fault I had no game."

"I don't know, Kel. Something tells me that line actually worked on some of those girls you used to being around in college. Unluckily for you l, I wasn't that easy." Christen smirked remembering her first encounter with Kelley at a team dinner to introduce everyone to each other. Kelley had been so eager that night and shamelessly tried to pick Christen up with the cheesiest of lines that night. Alas her attempts were unsuccessful (at least that night), but the two became fast friends as Christens quick witted come backs to her cheesy lines had them laughing for hours.

 

Kelley gave in laughing along side Christen and losing her ability to pretend to be offended.  _Damn it felt good to be sitting next to Christen again. It felt good to laugh again._

"Seriously though, do you want to talk about it?" 

"Yeah, just hand me that glass of wine first," Kelley replied as she settled into the couch and rested her head on Christen's shoulder. 

 


	2. Two Pink Lines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley tells Christen what really made her leave Kentucky.

"We were on a break," Kelley starts, "It sounds like a damn friends episode, but we really were. The stress of work was getting to me, and I was out of town 24/7. It put a strain on us, and we just decided to take some time to re-evaluate. We got together pretty young and it felt like we were different people." 

"I'm sorry, Kel," Christen says sympathetically as she puts her arm around Kelley and rubs her shoulder.

"I wish we had ended it there. I think I'd be okay if we had just drifted apart, but I still loved her so much. Still love her I think, but we got back together like we always do." 

Kelley sighs taking a sip of wine and setting the glass on the coffee table and trying to contain her tears.

"It was about a month after we got back together, and I was feeling like we really were in a good place. I went to the bathroom, and as I was tossing something in the trash I noticed something. It was a pregnancy test. I didn't bother to check it. Its not like it was going to be my kid," Kelley chuckled dryly trying to hold off tears but failing as they started to fall down her cheeks.

Christen sighed deeply and continued to stroke Kelley's shoulder. 

"Kelley, you don't have to fin—"

"No, I want to," Kelley choked out clearing her throat to continue, "We were broken up so I technically didn't have a right to be mad, but I was livid. We we're supposed to be finding ourselves, not fucking an ex. I just walked out. I couldn't even look at her. I spent a month crashing at a co-workers house, but it made me sick to even drive down the same streets we used to walk down together. I know she was sorry, but I just couldn't deal with it. It was the last straw. I think it was just the ultimate sign for me that we weren't supposed to be together, but fuck it still hurt like hell."

Kelley stops as she bursts into sobs. Christen pulls Kelley into her chest and holds her tight letting her cry into her shirt and rubbing her back to soothe her. 

"I'm so sorry, Kelley. I wish I could do something to make it stop hurting. You did the right thing, even if it feels like it's not right now. You'll get through this."

Kelley sniffles into Christen's shirt as her tears begin to subside and hums in response to Christen's words. They stay like that for awhile with Christen holding Kelley in her arms and whispering soothing words to try and get her to fully calm down. Christen's heart was aching for her friend. She wishes she could go back and fix it for Kelley or go back and be there for her while she struggled through her relationship for the past year.

She never ignored Kelley but the long work hours on both their sides and the slight time difference made it all too easy to lose touch over time. They still would talk periodically, but Christen never knew the depth of how bad the relationship had gotten between Alex and Kelley in the end. There was a point in time where Kelley and Alex were the power couple of UK soccer. Both picked out as the players with the brightest futures and slated to go pro, but Alex had blown out her knee their senior year and Kelley didn't have the heart to leave her for a new state and a poorly paying professional women's league. They both hung up their cleats after college and traded them in for a one bedroom apartment and no inkling of what they wanted to do with their lives.

"Sorry, I got your shirt all wet," Kelley said pulling Christen out of her thoughts as she sat up straight putting some distance between them.

Christen smiled softly at Kelley whose eyes were red and cheeks puffy and tear stained. It was unusual to see Kelley in such a broken state and it nearly broke Christen seeing such a strong, happy person so lost.

"It's alright, Kel. I'm here for you"

Christen leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to Kelley's cheek hoping it would express just how much she wished she could help her friend stop hurting. Kelley skin tasted like salt on Christen's lips. Christen ignored what was once a familiar tingle caused by touching Kelley. 

"How did things get this way, Chris?"

"I don't know, Kel. I try not to think about things I wish were different." 

"Like what?" Kelley asks making eye contact with Christen.

Christen shrugs, "I don't know just things."

Christen doesn't have the heart to tell Kelley that the real reason she moved to Colorado to get away just moved into her spare bedroom. Instead, she just smiles softly at Kelley and reaches past her to polish off the glass of wine. She stands up and heads to the kitchen, pouring the last of the bottle into the glass. Kelley watches her absentmindedly too involved with her own thoughts to wonder what Christen could possibly regret. 

"Let's do something fun," Christen says as she drains the rest of the bottle in a few drinks, "How do you feel about Scrabble?"

Kelley's pulled out of her thoughts and grins a wild look growing in her eyes.

"I hope you're ready to lose, CP. My word game has only grown since college."

"Oh please, the only time you ever beat me is when you cheat."

"It's not cheating just because you don't know it's a word. You're just mad you've never beaten me."

"Shut up and get the game," Christen says relieved to see the Kelley she's used to returning for a little. Sad, broken Kelley is unnatural.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Two hours later their game ends with Christen nearly flipping the board off the table as Kelley beats her for the millionth time.

"You're not human. It's statistically improbable for you to beat me every time," Christen pouts as Kelley laughs and outs the game away before Christen destroys it.

"You overthink it Chris that's why I win. You just need to relax. You try to think 20 words ahead and miss the one right in front of you."

"It's called strategy, Kel."

"Yeah, losing strategy. I'm the Scrabble queen."

"Don't be cocky"

"It's not cocky, I'm that good so it's just fact"

"You're ridiculous"

"I know but you love me anyways," Kelley says grinning cheekily.

"In spite of your ego Kel, not because of it."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself, Chris," Kelley says walking up the stairs and calling out a quick goodnight before Christen can get the last word in.

Christen grumbles to herself and heads up the stairs. She pops her head in the spare room to check on Kelley and blushes furiously as she's met with the sight of a shirtless Kelley. 

"Sorry," Kelley mumbles awkwardly covering her bare chest with a shirt, "Not used to roommates yet."

Christen just nods in understanding, not trusting herself to form a coherent thought and shuts the door to the spare room as she walks back to her own room and sighs.  _Calm down, Christen. She's just your friend._

 


	3. Whiskey Sours and Regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to college for some insight into Kelley and Christen's past.

Kelley wakes up the next morning and groans stretching and reaching out for her phone. On top of her phone is a post-it with a scribbled note in Christen’s writing. Kel - I’ll be home around 6 from work. Let’s go out to dinner tonight :) -C

 

Across town, Christen swiped her badge and hit the button for the 8th floor thankful the elevator was empty other than herself. She definitely needed a minute alone and a lot of coffee before she could socialize. She had tossed and turned the night before mulling over her interactions with Kelley and the details Kelley had confided in her about Alex.   
Christen was frustrated and angry and even her morning yoga couldn’t shake the feeling today. It had been 3 years since she had seen Kelley but the feelings that had caused her to flee Kentucky were still alive much to Christen’s dismay. 

 

As the elevator dinged signalling Christen’s arrival to the 8th floor, she took a deep breath and stepped off the elevator. She turned the corner towards the Tech Ops area and fell to the ground as she slammed right into someone.

 

“Shit, I’m sorry Christen. I didn’t see you coming. Let me help you up.” 

 

Christen didn’t have time to respond before strong arms were scooping her up and setting her gently back on her feet. 

 

Straightening out her shirt Christen smiled in gratitude “Thanks, Ali. How was your weekend?”

 

“It was so great. Ash and I went hiking up in Boulder. The trail was crowded but it was so pretty it was still worth it. What about you? Did your friend make it here okay?”

 

Ali was one of the few people Christen considered a friend both in and out of work. Ali and her partner Ashlyn had been together for years, and they were quick to befriend Christen when she moved to Colorado and started working for MKT. They pulled her off her sofa and forced her to get out and explore everything Colorado had to offer. Without them, Christen would probably have settled into a rut of drinking too much wine and watching too much Netflix every night never bothering to explore and make friends. 

 

“Chris, you okay?” Ali asked as Christen was staring blankly at her.

 

“Yeah, sorry. Just a lot on my mind today. Yeah, Kelley made it yesterday. She was still asleep when I left this morning.”

 

“That’s good, if you don’t have plans this weekend the four of us should all go out. We can show her the city. I’ve got to run to a meeting, but just let me know if you want to hang out.”

 

“That sounds great, Ali. I’ll see you later,” Christen responded as Ali sped off in the direction of the stairs likely headed to some status update.

 

Ali was the Project Manager Manager as everyone in the Tech Ops department liked to call her. She had started the project management team a couple of years ago specifically to work on managing office moves and openings, but she was slowly becoming involved in just about everything as she had a knack for keeping everyone on task and making even the most complex projects seem simple. Christen envied her organizational skills and ability to get even the most difficult people to work with to meet deadlines. 

 

Christen had been with MKT for a little over two years now, but she just recently switched over into the Tech Ops department. She originally joined as a part of their accounting department just to have a job and pay rent, but her ability to learn quickly the technical side of things and present them in a manner any one could understand landed her in a Product Manager role. It had been challenging at first, but the challenge has been a good distraction for Christen who was still struggling to figure out her new life in a new city.

 

It had only been a day since Kelley arrived, but Christen could tell it was going to be a struggle to keep her borderline workaholic drive going with Kelley so close. There were so many memories floating to the surface now. Christen thought she had successfully banished those memories years ago.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Kel, hurry up we are going to be late!” Christen yelled from her spot on Kelley’s bed as she scrolled through the playlist on Kelley’s laptop looking for the right song.

 

“Perfection takes time, Chris. Besides, no one fun gets there before 10.” Kelley responds as she checks her hair in the mirror one last time before heading into her bedroom.

 

“How do I look?”

 

Christen looked up from her spot on the bed towards Kelley and was taken aback for a second before she could form words. Kelley's hair was down with soft curls strategically placed in it. She was wearing skinny jeans with tears in them and a crop top that was showing just enough of her abs to make Christen bite her lip.

 

“That good, huh.” Kelley winked and chuckled as she threw on some shoes.

 

“Shut up,” Christen replied trying to hide her blush. It drove her crazy that Kelley was so cocky. Mostly because Kelley was usually right about the effect she had on Christen, even if Christen would never admit it. 

 

Christen had moved in with Kelley and a couple of other girls from the soccer team for her sophomore year. She thought it would be easy given that they all had the same grueling on and off field schedules, but she soon realized that the growing unnamed feeling that she had towards Kelley made it nearly impossible to feel at ease in her own apartment. Every time she turned a corner, Kelley was there looking way too good, and it was considerably worse on the weekends when Kelley would get all dressed up and drag Christen out with her. This weekend was no exception as Kelley was taking Christen to McCarthy’s where she knew Christen’s fake would easily get her in. 

 

An hour later, Christen is pressed up against the bar with Kelley far too close for comfort as she can feel their arms touching as Kelley motions to the bartender for two Whiskey Sours. Christen has had more drinks than she can remember at this point and is buzzing from the alcohol and the proximity of Kelley. Kelley seems oblivious to what she’s doing to Christen or maybe she’s just that good at playing the game. 

 

The rest of their friends had left to go to another club, but Kelley had volunteered to stay behind with Christen who didn’t want to risk trying her fake at a new place tonight. Christen tried not to read into it as she had developed a bad habit of over analyzing everything Kelley did or said these days. 

 

Pulled from her thoughts as Kelley handed Christen her drink, Christen took a sip and nodded in thanks towards Kelley. The music was loud. Playing some 90s song that Christen couldn’t quite place. 

 

“Do you want to go outside?” Kelley yelled motioning her head towards the back door. 

 

Christen simply nodded as Kelley grabbed her hand and led her through the crowd of frat guys and out the back door. Surprisingly, Kelley steered them to the far corner of the patio to a bench that was almost hidden under the shadow of the back staircase. Usually the professional mingler, Christen was surprised Kelley didn’t talk her way into a table full of strangers like she usually does. 

 

Kelley plopped down on the bench and pulled Christen down next to her. They sat in silence for a second as they each sipped their drinks and observed the large crowd outside. 

 

“You know, sometimes I think I don’t fit in here at all when I go out.” Kelley says as she continues watching the crowds.

 

“Kell, what are you talking about? You literally know everyone on campus I’m pretty sure. It’s like you’re friends with everyone.” 

 

“I may be their friend, but that doesn’t mean they’re mine. You know?” Kelley says shrugging off Christen’s words.

 

“For once, I know exactly what you mean.”

 

“What about you Chris?”

 

“What about me?”

 

“Am I your friend?” Kelley asks with an unfamiliar glint in her eye that has Christen feeling uneasy.

 

“Of course we are friends, Kel.”

 

Kelley sighed pausing for a moment and turning to face Christen. Her eyebrows were furrowed as she weighed her options and the silence made Christen turn towards her.

 

“Speaking as a friend, I think you’re so beautiful.” Kelley said lowly as her eyes flickered to Christen’s lips. 

 

Christen’s heart was pounding. She wasn’t sure if the whiskey had made her hallucinate or if Kelley had really just said that. She looked down unable to hold Kelley’s gaze and started fiddling with her hands nervously. 

 

“I think you’re amazing,” Christen whispered unsure if she was relieved or terrified she was finally able to vocalize a minute part of what she felt for Kelley these last few months. She felt Kelley’s hand lift her chin and before she could process anything Kelley’s lips brushed against hers delicately. It only lasted a moment, but Christen’s lips tingled for far longer. Kelley pulled back waiting for a reaction from Christen. 

Christen chased Kelley's lips leaning in and pressing her lips to Kelley's as she grabbed the back of Kelley's neck to pull her closer. Christen's lips tingled and her chest burned with desire as Kelley slipped her tongue into Christen's mouth. Christen pulled away a few minutes later breathless as Kelley stared back at her with lust filled eyes.

 

“Do you want to get out of here?” Christen asked surprising even herself.

 

“I thought you’d never ask” Kelley grinned grabbing Christen’s hand again and pulling out her phone to call an uber. 

 

A couple of minutes later they sat next to each other in a honda civic holding hands as Kelley ran her thumb over Christen’s hand soothingly. Christen sighed and shifted to rest her head on Kelley’s shoulder. 

 

The next morning Christen woke up dying of thirst. She went to reach for the water bottle she kept on her nightstand and suddenly was all too aware that she was not in her own bed. She lifted the covers and sure enough she was completely naked. Christen froze not wanting to wake Kelley who was still passed out next to her. 

 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Christen thought spiraling into a million thoughts about how stupid she was to sleep with a teammate and a roommate. Kelley rolled over next to her and yawned loudly stretching out until her hand hit Christen’s arm. Kelley opened her eyes wider clearly trying to remember the night before until she finally recollected the prior night’s events and a lazy smile came across her face. 

 

“Hey, Chris,” Kelley said, her voice low and hoarse undoubtedly from the copious amounts of whiskey the night before. She scooted closer to Christen snuggling into her side and placing a kiss to her neck. Feeling Christen freeze underneath her Kelley paused unsure of what to do.

 

“We should talk,” Christen said in a voice so monotone that she barely recognized it as her own.

 

“Chris, it’s okay. We don’t need to figure out what this meant when we are both hungover and barely functioning. It’ll be okay, we can talk later"

 

Christen sighed in relief and relaxed letting Kelley snuggle even closer to her until they both fell back asleep. 

 

Looking back on it now, Christen kicks herself for not having the courage or understanding of her own feelings to push for something more with Kelley back then. They fell into a routine of sleeping together but never talking about what it meant. Christen was in denial of how far her feelings went for Kelley. By the time she had realized what she was feeling was love, it was a year later and Kelley was enthralled by the new transfer student, Alex Morgan. 

 

Christen was sure there was a month or two where she and Kelley were both close to defining their relationship more clearly, but she always pushed the topic off as she was too scared to give it a real chance. After all, how could Kelley O’Hara actually want to be with her for more than just a few months. She was so certain that if they went down that road that Kelley would end up bored with her after a while. So Christen chose to repress her feelings, and it wasn’t until she saw Kelley so happy with Alex that she realized how deep those feelings went.


	4. Possibilities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen and Kelley settle into a routine. Kelley hates being pitied, and Christen finally opens up to someone.

The week dragged on slowly for Christen as she tried her best to maintain focus at work. She and Kelley had settled into a routine without even discussing it. Every day, Christen would make coffee and breakfast and Kelley would sip coffee while watching Christen do yoga. As Christen left for work, Kelley would do the dishes and get dressed before heading to the gym. At night, Christen would return home to dinner Kelley had made and they'd curl up on the couch with a bottle of wine and whatever show they could both decide on. Christen didn't have the heart to tell Kelley that her cooking wasn't the greatest. She still enjoyed coming home to the sight of Kelley with and apron on and a smile. In fact, she knew she enjoyed it way too much.

On Saturday, Christen woke up early cursing her body's sleep schedule for waking her up before 7am on a weekend. She padded down the stairs and was surprised to find Kelley already awake and cooking eggs.

"You're up early" Christen commented as she reached around Kelley to grab a mug from the cabinet. 

Kelley tensed momentarily at the contact before shrugging it off and flipping the eggs over to cook through. 

"Couldn't sleep, I decided to go for a run to clear my head."

Kelley prayed Christen wouldn't press the subject as her mind was still foggy despite the 8 mile loop she had just taken. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about Alex. Luckily, Christen just nodded and hopped onto the island counter to sit and watch Kelley cook. 

Kelley flipped the eggs onto two plates and handed one to Christen silently before leaning against the counter across from Christen and digging in to her own plate. They ate in a comfortable silence enjoying the calm of a Saturday morning. Kelley grabbed both their plates when they were done and placed them in the sink for later before turning back to face Christen. Kelley was surprised to find Christen already looking back at her intently. She couldn't quite place the look in Christen eyes, but she assumed it was one of concern (maybe even pity).

"I'm not broken, you know.," Kelley said breaking the silence, "You don't need to look at me like I'll combust at any moment."

Christen's brow furrowed in confusion, "Kel, that's not what I'm doing. Why would you think that?"

Kelley huffed frustratedly as she felt like Christen was patronizing her, "Because Chris, every time I turn around you're looking at me with the same expression on your face. It's like you're constantly watching and waiting for me to fall apart."

"Kel, that's not--"

"Look Chris, I get that you're worried but I'm fine okay. You just need to let me process this, but I'm not going to fall apart. I'm not saying im above it, but I've spent the last month falling apart and I'm done with it. I came here to start over but I can't do that if every time I turn around you're looking at me like that" Kelley huffed as her frustration bubbled to the surface.

Christen sighed as Kelley finished her rant. She was stuck. She couldn't tell Kelley that she was staring at her most of the time trying to convince herself not to walk across the room or lean over and kiss Kelley. So she swallowed her thoughts once again and let Kelley assume.

"I'm sorry," Christen whispered averting her eyes to stare at the backsplash on the back of the kitchen wall, "I'm just worried about you."

"Don't be, I'll be fine," Kelley rhetorted walking off towards the stairs without looking back.

 _What if I won't be fine._ Christen thought as she watched Kelley peel off her sweaty cut off before disappearing at the top of her stairs.

\-------------------------------------------------------

Kelley stayed in her room the rest of the day and avoided Christen. Christen tapped on the door softly around 5pm and opened the door slowly. Kelley was laying on her back staring up at the ceiling as music played from her laptop.

"I'm going out to dinner with a couple of friends. Do you want to come?" 

Christen's voice was so fragile Kelley softened at the sound despite her seething anger and annoyance still simmering from earlier. She turned and shook her head trying her best not to snap completely.

"No thanks, Chris. Sorry, I just think I need to be alone tonight."

Christen tried not to show her disappointment and nodded before backing out of the door while telling Kelley she understood. She paused outside the door for a moment slightly hoping Kelley would call her back and change her mind. When no such thing occurred, Christen sighed and walked down the stairs and out of the house to go meet Ali and Ashlyn. 

_Hey, I know I said we should go out, but any chance you want to stay in? I need a glass of wine and to talk._

A few seconds later, Ali replied.

_Ali: No worries, come on over. I'll send Ash to go get some wine._

Christen smiled at the reply glad to have a friend to turn to right now.

\-------------------------------------------

An awkward 10 minute Uber ride later, Christen knocked on the door to Ashlyn and Ali's apartment. Ali swung the door open a minute later greeting Christen with a bright smile and ushering her through the door. She handed Christen a glass of wine and motioned for her to sit down as she locked the door back up. 

"Drink Up, Chris. I sent Ashlyn for some reinforcements. I figured by your text that one bottle of wine wasn't going to cut it tonight."

"Thanks, Al. You know me too well."

"Does that mean you're going to tell me what this is about?" Ali asked as she sat next to Christen on the couch. 

Much to Ali's surprise, Christen let out a deep breath before she broke out into sobs. Ali acted quickly grabbing the wine out of Christen's hand and setting it on the coffee table safely before pulling Christen in for a hug. 

"Shhhhh, it's okay Chris. Just let it out. It's okay." 

"She just- I just- God and I just-," Christen attempted to speak before continuing to sob.

The door swung open again and Ashlyn walked through with two bottles of wine in hand before halting at the sight in front of her. 

"What'd I miss?" Ashlyn asked loudly as she closed the door behind her clearly missing Ali's signal to not say anything.

Ali rolled her eyes at how oblivious Ashlyn could be as Ashlyn mouthed  _"Sorry"_ before quietly making her way over to the arm chair next to the couch and sitting down.They sat there quietly until Christen's sobs became quiet sniffles and she sat up and wiped the rest of her tears away from her eyes.

"Sorry," Christen said sheepishly. Embarrassed by her sudden break down.

"Don't be, you forget that Ashlyn is weepy. I'm used to it," Ali says smiling. 

"Hey, I am not! I just get emotional at some movies. Okay and some commercials. Alright and that one time because I saw a service dog press the walk button for someone." Ashlyn rambled as Christen and Ali both began to laugh.

"You guys suck," Ashlyn grumbled getting up to set the spare bottles of wine in the kitchen and pour herself a glass. 

"Oh please, you love me" Ali said in a sing song voice. 

"Be that as it may, you're still the worst" Ashlyn replied shaking her head and heading back to the living room and handing Ali a glass of wine before sitting down. 

Christen observed their banter and it brought a smile to her face despite how miserable and fragile she still felt. The love between Ali and Ashlyn was so effortless and obvious that one couldn't help but smile at it. They continued to bicker back and forth partially forgetting about Christen until she chuckled at their antics out loud. 

"Forgive me, I had to remind this one who is boss" Ali said as Ashlyn rolled her eyes sarcastically.

"Don't believe her, Chris," Ashlyn replied, "So, do you want to talk about what's up with you?"

Ali shot Ashlyn a warning look sighing at how tactless Ashlyn could be sometimes. Thankfully, Christen just nodded and took a sip of wine before beginning to speak.

"So you know my friend Kelley that just moved in with me?"

Ashlyn and Ali both nodded urging Christen to continue. 

"Well, you remember how I told you that I moved here to get a fresh start?"

Again, Ashlyn and Ali both nodded. Christen breathed in deeply knowing that once she said this out loud there was no denying it anymore. 

"Well, the reason I needed to start over is because--is because I was kind of in love with Kelley and she wasn't in love with me back" Christen rushed out closing her eyes to fight back more tears. When she opened them again, Ashlyn and Ali were looking at her with half shocked and half concerned expressions. 

"Oh shit," Ashlyn said softly giving Christen a worried look. 

"Oh shit, is right," Christen said chuckling dryly.

"Back up a bit, I need to know details Chris. Why would you invite her to stay if she broke your heart?"

Christen sighed in response to Ali's question steeling herself to get through this much needed but difficult discussion.

"We met in college. She was on the soccer team with me at UK. At first, we were just friends. I mean she would hit on me constantly but she was just like that. She would flirt with everyone so I didn't think much if it. But after we moved into the same apartment together with some other players, things changed for me. I started catching feelings but I didn't want to admit it. She was so cool and adventurous and could have anyone she wanted. We ended up being friends with benefits for awhile even though we never really labeled it. I was too scared and insecure to ever push for more. I was so certain she'd get bored with me so I just enjoyed the time I had with her."

Christen paused draining the last of her glass of wine and continuing to talk as she went to refill her glass. 

"I didn't even know that I was in love with her at first. I mean I though about it sure, but I had never been in love so it was easy to convince myself that it was just sex."

"When did you realize?" Ashlyn asked squeezing Christen's hand in comfort as she sat back down on the couch with Ali. 

"Junior year, our sleepovers started to get less frequent. She was growing close with a transfer student on the team. I convinced myself that it was fine and our time with whatever we had was done. One night, I got up to sneak into her room in a moment of weakness as it had been months since we last slept together. When I opened the door I saw she was asleep in the arms of the transfer student, Alex. It wasn't until then that I realized that I was in love with her and by then it was too late. She was with Alex and she was happy."

Christen closed her eyes as a few tears ran down her cheeks. To this day, she could still picture that night in her head. She stayed up all night crying and by morning she had told herself to forget it and resolved to never tell Kelley how she felt as she had been right all along that it wouldn't have lasted even if she had. Kelley was far too good for the likes of her.

"I'm sorry, Press," Ali said softly, "That must've hurt so bad."

Christen nodded as she felt Ashlyn move to sit next to her on the couch and pull her in for a hug.

"I'm sorry, Bud," Ashlyn said keeping her arm around Christen, "I'm a little confused though. I mean I get that Kelley ended up with Alex but how do you know for sure she didn't love you back?"

"Ashlyn," Ali scolded smacking her on the arm lightly.

"Ouch, I'm serious Al. I mean it sounds to me like the two of you never discussed it. So you don't know for certain she didn't feel the same way. Maybe she was just as scared as you. Maybe the timing was just bad and then she met Alex."

Christen sat up straight, "You're sweet for saying that Ash but trust me. Kelley's only ever loved one girl and that was and probably still is Alex."

"I hate to admit it, Chris, but I think Ashlyn has a point." Ali chimed in ignoring Ashlyn's smug grin at Ali admitting she had a point. 

Christen looked at Ali incredulously but Ali pressed on. 

"Think about it for a second, she got her heart broken by Alex and she immediately moves across country to be near you."

Ali holds her hand up silencing Christen who was about to interrupt, "Just let me finish, I'm not saying this is for sure the truth. I'm just saying think about it. Have you ever considered the possibility that the whole reason Kelley ended up with Alex to begin with could've been because you weren't available? It doesn't sound like she had a shot in hell with you in college since you were so convinced that you didn't deserve her and that you'd never be enough for her."

Christen sat back stunned in silence. In all of these years of over analyzing every action and conversation, she had never once considered what Ali had said as a possibility.

"I don't know, Ali. I really think what she had with Alex was it for her."

"I'm not saying what she had with Alex didn't become real. I'm just saying don't be so certain of something that was never confirmed. Ashlyn is right. Kelley never said she didn't love you."

"But she was with Alex"

"I know, but just promise me you'll keep an open mind and consider it. I don't want you to make the same mistake twice if I'm right, okay?"

Christen nodded and Ashlyn clapped her hands to change the subject.

"Okay, ladies. Enough talk, how do you feel about pizza?"

\--------------------------------------------

The rest of the night was kept light as they played games and let the wine flow freely. Christen's mind wandered periodically to what Ali had said but she quickly shook the thought away each time not quite ready to think about it as a real possibility.

Back at Christen's townhouse, Kelley laid awake staring at Christen's name in her phone. She knew she had been unfair earlier and over reacted. She just couldn't stand the thought of being pitied. She quickly typed out a message before finally drifting off to sleep.

  _Hey Chris, sorry I was such a dick earlier. I know you're just worried about me. You always take care of me even when I don't want to get you. I promise I'll make it up to you._


	5. Post-Make Up Text

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley keeps her promise to make things up to Christen. Christen is struggling to control her body's reaction to Kelley.

Kelley woke up after a few restless hours of sleep frustrated with herself but determined to make it up to Christen. She brushed her teeth and threw her hair into a bun before rummaging around the house until she found the cleaning supplies. By the time Christen returned, the whole house smelled like lemons and Kelley was waiting on the Betty Crocker red velvet cake to cool so she could ice it.

Christen wandered in setting her keys down on the small table by the door before pausing as the usual pile of mail had been organized neatly.

"Do you like it?" Kelley asked tentatively from her seat on the couch having been observing Christen's entrance.

Christen paused dramatically inhaling the fresh lemon scent, "You really didn't have to do all this Kelley."

"Yes, I did. I was an ass and I'm sorry. I even made you a cake," Kelley replied smiling at the relief as Christen wasn't mad at her for the day before.

"Well, you know I'm an ass girl Kelley," Christen said trying to keep a straight face but failing as she bursts into a fit of laughs. 

Kelley shook her head chuckling softly, "Chris, we've been over this before. I'm the funny one in this duo." 

Christen took a deep breath as she recovered from her laughter and glared at Kelley menacingly, "Oh please, you enjoy my jokes. I'm delightful." 

Kelley rolled her eyes sarcastically as Christen winked and turned towards the Kitchen ready to devour some cake.

"Delightfully nerdy," Kelley mumbled under her breath although Christen must've heard because she flipped Kelley off as she continued towards the kitchen.

"Just for that, you don't get to eat any cake," Kelley taunted running up behind Christen and wrapping her arms around her attempting to stop her from reaching the kitchen. Christen squealed at the unexpected contact and bent her knees to get more support.

A minute later she and Kelley were in tears from laughter as Christen had attempted to walk with Kelley clinging onto her like a koala before she had fallen straight back falling on top of Kelley. As their laughs subsided neither of them moved for a moment and Kelley sighed contently and started rubbing her fingers through Christen's hair.

Christen hummed in response content to lay on Kelley's chest all day.

"I don't think I've laughed that hard in months."

Christen frowned slightly at the thought as the Kelley she knew from college was always laughing and smiling at something. It was sad to think that person may be missing for awhile with everything Kelley has just gone through.

Christen made a pact with herself then to do everything in her power to make Kelley laugh and smile as much as she could. She reached her hand out searching for Kelley's hand but finding her thigh instead giving it a comforting squeeze hoping it would convey to Kelley that she was there for her. She ignored the way her finger tips tingled at the feel of Kelley's skin underneath them.

\--------------------------------------

Later that evening, Kelley and Christen had polished off half of the cake and were laying on the couch miserable with themselves and nearly in a sugar coma. Some poorly acted low budget film was on that neither of them were paying attention to. Kelley was half asleep with her head resting in Christen's lap as Christen was struggling to keep her heartbeat even at the sight of a half asleep Kelley cuddled up with her on the couch.  _Stay calm, she's just your friend. You missed your friend. No reason to feel weird about a friend wanting to use you as a pillow. This is totally platonic. At least for her._

A vibration pulled Christen out of her thoughts. She looked around before spotting her phone between the couch cushions and grabbing it.

_Ali: How are you holding up with the roomie?_

_Define holding up. Does that include near panic spirals when she's anywhere near me. I can't do this._

_Ali: That much sexual tension huh?_

Christen rolled her eyes at the response.

_Hi Ashlyn, now give Ali back her phone I need actual advice and you'll just tell me to 'bang it out'._

_Ali: Sorry, she's ridiculous. Just try and relax Chris. If all else fails, we can come over and be a buffer._

_How fast can you get here? I don't think I can handle being alone with her right now._

_Ali: Be there in ten. We will bring wine._

You're the best. Just use the spare key I'm going to take a cold shower.

Christen locked her phone setting it back down and strategically shifting out from underneath Kelley and placing a pillow under Kelley's head. Kelley's eyes opened slightly.

"Where you going?" Kelley whispered out her voice hoarse.

"Just going to take a shower. Ali and Ash will be over soon."

Kelley seemed to wake up slightly at that yawning and stretching out. 

"I should shower too then."

Christen paused blushing slightly as her mind had gone straight to the gutter and she was now actively trying to keep herself from thinking back to the many showers she had taken with Kelley back in the day.

"Towels are in the closet by the bathroom." Christen squeaked out before nearly sprinting up the stairs. Once up the stairs, Christen headed for the master bathroom and undressed staring at herself in the mirror for a second as she waited on the water to warm up. She had aged slightly since college as minute wrinkles had formed on her forehead. She had managed to stay fit after college but her toned, lean frame was nothing compared to Kelley's still present 6 pack she had gotten a peak of earlier in the week.  _Get yourself together, you just need to get laid maybe that's the problem. It has been awhile._

 

Christen stepped into the shower letting the warm water run over her skin. She tried to recall exactly how long it had been since she last had sex but couldn't even remember exactly. Instead, images of Kelley covered in sweat after her morning workout and in only a sports bra and shorts crossed her mind. She felt herself getting aroused at the thought and before she could even think about it her hand automatically moved between her legs and she began drawing lazy circles on her clit. 

She closed her eyes letting her mind wander to chiseled abs, freckled skin, and toned arms glistening with sweat. Her mind wandered further as she began to work herself up resting her other hand against the shower wall to hold herself up. She thought of Kelley naked on her college Ikea mattress with Christen's head between Kelley's thighs and feeling Kelley come undone with every flick of her tongue. Christen was nearly there as her breathing grew more labored and her legs twitched in excitement at the building feeling. She pawed at the shower wall readjusting her grip as she felt her body begin to shake with pleasure and she bit her lip to stifle the moans. 

"Chris? You in the shower?" A voice called out startling Christen from her blissful state. Christen froze with her one hand still between her legs and closed her eyes hoping she was just hearing things.

"Chris?" Kelley asked a little louder than the first time, "Do you have any deodorant? I ran out."

Christen cleared her throat as her chest still heaved, "Ye-Yeah, there should be some under the bathroom sink."

"Thanks," Kelley replied and Christen heard rummaging before she finally heard the door to the bathroom close. 

Christen groaned frustrated at her lack of orgasm and mortified that her friend who she had been fantasizing about had nearly walked in on her touching herself. She leaned her head under the water hoping to calm herself down.  _I need a drink._

 

 

 


	6. Revelations

* * *

By the time Christen got out of the shower and threw clothes on, Kelley was already on her way to becoming fast friends with Ali and Ashlyn. Christen smiled as she walked down the stairs glad that her friends were getting along. Although, her smile shifted as she caught the tail end of Kelley's story that had Ashlyn and Ali nearly doubled over in laughter.

"Kelley, you better not be telling the pool story or I will tell everyone about your summer camping incident!" Christen yelled as she quickly walked towards the back door that led to the patio and stood in the doorway with her arms crossed. Ashlyn and Ali were almost in tears as they struggled to contain their laughter. Kelley gave Christen a guilty look before transitioning to her best puppy dog eyes and shifting on the lounge chair to open up a space for Christen where her feet had been stretched out.

"Sorry Chris, it just came up. I promise only stories with your approval for the rest of the night. Now, come join me and I'll let you tell the camping story as revenge," Kelley said patting the spot next to her.

Christen relented and sat next to Kelley stealing the beer out of Kelley's hand and launching into an animated recounting of the time Kelley had to tell their coach she needed to sit out of certain lifts due to the poison ivy she had gotten in some very delicate places while camping. Kelley had been mortified as their coach tried to demand to see it as proof until Kelley finally had to tell them it was on her ass. The whole team had nearly died laughing and Kelley didn't live it down for the rest of the year.

Kelley's face was bright red by the time Christen finished telling the story and Ashlyn and Ali had to wipe tears from their eyes.

"Oh my God, you guys have to stop or I seriously won't be able to breathe soon," Ali gasped out clutching on to Ashlyn's arm and trying to catch her breath.

"I don't think there's enough time tonight for all the dirt I have on Chris" Kelley smirked turning to Christen with a devilish look in her eyes.

"You wouldn't dare. You know I have twice the amount on you," Christen replied pinching Kelley's leg.

"And here I thought we were friends," Kelley gasped out dramatically grabbing her chest.

"You started it."

"You finished it."

"Don't I always?" Christen replied winking at Kelley.

Kelley flushed bright red and glanced over at Ali and Ashlyn who were simply watching the interaction with smirks on their faces. Christen had forgotten their presence for a second and her face flushed red to match Kelley's.

"So, Kelley. What do you think of Colorado?" Ali interjected changing the subject for the sake of everyone.

Kelley cleared her throat sneaking a glance at Christen who had fallen completely silent and seemed frozen next to her.

"It's been really good. It's weird it kind of feels more comfortable than anywhere has in awhile even though I'm sleeping on an air mattress. I guess all the work travel was getting to me."

"What is it that you do?"

"I'm a software engineer. I've been doing work for a firm that loans out developers for projects to companies for the last few years. I quit before I came out here to stay."

"Oh nice, you should totally look at MKT if you're looking for work here, and I'm not just saying that for the referral bonus. I'm sure Christen would love to show you around the office one day." Ali said glancing over at Christen with a concerned look as she was still completely still next to Kelley. "Right, Christen?"

Christen glanced up at Ali who was looking at her expectantly although she wasn't sure why as she had been lost in her own thoughts, "Um, yeah definitely. Excuse me, I'm going to go check on something."

Kelley watched Christen quickly get up and disappear through the door into the house. She turned to Ali and Ashlyn confused.

"Is she okay? She's seemed off since I got here, like she is nervous about something. I can't figure it out."

Ashlyn nearly laughed at this until she saw Ali shooting her a warning glance.

"You should go check on her. It might just be work stress or something, but it doesn't hurt to ask." Ali said smiling sweetly at Kelley.

Kelley nodded getting up from her chair and following Christen's path back into the house.

"What are you doing?" Ashlyn asked giving Ali a warning look.

"Just giving them a little push. Christen is going to combust if they don't at least talk soon. Did you see them together? I could feel the tension from here."

"Even so, babe, I don't think we should meddle."

"I didn't meddle. I just told her friend to go check on her. Is that so wrong?"

"Meddler" Ashlyn whispered as Ali glared at her.

"Shut up, I did not meddle"

"Agree to disagree, babe"

"Fine, now come over here so I can meddle with you" Ali said smirking and pulling Ashlyn in for a kiss. Ashlyn didn't argue anymore after that as she pulled Ali closer and got lost in her touch.

Inside the house, Kelley had wandered up the stairs as Christen wasn't in the kitchen or living room area. As she made it up the stairs, she could see that Christen's door was shut. Kelley approached the door and knocked softly. After no reply, Kelley knocked again a little louder this time.

"Go away, Ali. I'm wallowing in my misery for a moment. I'll be down in a minute."

"It's me, Kelley."

"Oh, umm. Hey, Kel. I was just...kidding. I'll be right out."

Christen's voice was raspy and shaking. Kelley knew she was lying to her, but she couldn't figure out why Christen would be upstairs sad when they were all having a nice night.

"You don't have to lie, Chris. How about you let me in and tell me what's wrong?"

A few moments passed with no noise from either woman. Kelley sighed and tried the door knob and was relieved to find it unlocked. She walked into the room and saw Christen laying flat on her back on the bed with her eyes closed.

"Go away, Kel" She groaned opening one eye before closing it again.

"What's wrong?" Kelley asked climbing into Christen's bed and laying on her back next to Christen mimicking her position.

Christen sighed loudly rolling over so that her back was facing Kelley.

"I can't talk to you about this."

"Why not?" Kelley asked curiously as she grew more concerned by Christen's actions.

"I just can't" Christen croaked out her voice cracking in emotion as she held back sobs. She prayed Kelley wouldn't notice.

"Why not?" Kelley asked again patiently.

"Please stop asking, Kel. I can't do this right now."

"Do what?" Kelley asked hoping she would get on Christen's nerves enough with constant questions that she would break down and tell her.

"Stop," Christen pleaded.

"Stop what?" Kelley smiled to herself knowing her plan was working.

"I know what you're trying to do."

"What am I doing?"

"You're infuriating, you know that?" Christen asked rolling back around to face Kelley. She tried to be mad her face holding a glare as best she could, but her face betrayed her as Kelley had turned to face her with a triumphant smile and Christen in turn couldn't fight off a smile of her own.

"So are you going to tell me now? I could keep this up all night." Kelley said grinning at Christen.

"I still don't think I should tell you"

Kelley frowned, "First it was you can't and now it is shouldn't. What's going on, Chris?"

"You've got your own stuff going on. I don't need to drag you into mine. I'll figure it out, I'm just being stupid."

"You're not stupid, Chris, far from it. I want to be here for you. I have my own stuff, but that doesn't mean I won't be here for you."

Christen sighed again. She was dying to reach out and touch Kelley's cheek. They were so close that Christen could almost feel Kelley's breath and she smiled at how attentive Kelley looked as she waited for Christen to answer. 

"Im bad at talking about things," Christen breathed out.

"Oh trust me, I know. You can talk to me though,"

"What if you don't like what I have to say?"

Kelley paused for a second. Clearly, whatever had Christen so worked up had been eating away at her for awhile. Christen's eyes were brimming with tears and she was looking at Kelley so sad and desperate that Kelley wanted to pull her in for a hug and never let her go. 

"Whatever it is, I promise I'll stay and listen. Even if I don't like it. Okay?"

Christen nodded and swallowed the growing lump in her throat. Her brain was telling her this was a bad idea but her heart was pounding with the need to get it all out there. She took a deep breath and started to speak slowly. 

"You remember back in college, before you met Alex?"

Kelley nodded reaching a hand out to grab Christen's hand that lay between them on the bed giving it a quick squeeze and urging her to continue. 

"I think for me it was...what we were doing was more than just sex," Christen paused closing her eyes for a second and taking another deep breath. When she opened her eyes, Kelley's brow was furrowed in confusion. 

Christen pushed on as she was past the point of stopping. It felt too good to get this off her chest. 

"I had feelings for you then. I was in love with you," Christen whispered her eyes closing for a moment as her heart burned in her chest with the echo of old heart ache and the relief of admitting it. 

Kelley froze staring at Christen in confusion before slowly shaking her head back and forth. 

"That's not possible," Kelley said quietly still in disbelief at Christen's revelation. 

Out of all the reactions Christen had run through in her head, this was not on the list. She didn't understand it. 

"Of course it's possible, Kelley. We slept together for months and I...well I caught feelings for lack of a better term. I fell for you. I just didn't know what it was at first."

Kelley shook her head vigorously, "No, that's not how that went down, Chris. How is that even possible? I mean you never said anything. You never wanted to talk. I tried to and it was like talking to a brick wall."

Christen looked on at Kelley as Kelley continued to ramble on. She let her finish the monologue that was clearly more of an argument with herself than a conversation with Christen. Christen found Kelley's hand between her own on the bed and mimicking Kelley's actions from before gave it a quick squeeze, but unlike Kelley she didn't let go after. This seemed to work as Kelley had stopped talking to herself and was looking Christen in the eyes again.

"It can't be possible, because I was the one in love with you" Kelley said her face set in a determined look apparently settled on an answer after her self debate. 

Christen was taken aback again. Kelley was not playing Into any of the logical scenarios for this conversation that Christen had come up with. There's no way that Ashlyn and Ali had been right and all these years she was just too blind to see it. Her stomach turned as this also meant that her biggest regret all these years had been valid. If she would've just said something, she and Kelley may have had a chance back then. 

 "Chris, say something. Please, I need you to talk to me. This isn't making sense." Kelley begged caressing Christen's hand that was interlocked with hers with her thumb. 

"Are you being serious or are you just messing with me? It doesn't make any sense to me either. I was sure you didn't see me that way. You could've had any girl you wanted. You did have any girl you wanted in college." Christen spoke her eyes darting around searching for an answer in Kelley's face. 

"Turns out that's only mostly true. I had any girl that wanted me. I didn't have the girl I wanted." Kelley smiled sadly realizing now how life altering this revelation could've been had it happened 5 years ago. Her thoughts wandered to Alex back in Kentucky and her heart began to ache. So much heart ache that would have never occurred Kelley thinks, and then a second wave comes of guilt as she thinks of all the times with Alex that were the farthest thing from heart ache. 

"Am I really that clueless?" Christen asks not realizing Kelley's dazed look in her eye as she tries to reconcile her thoughts.

Kelley doesn't respond and Christen's not sure if she wants her to confirm what she knows is true at this point. Five years ago, they were both in love with each other and she missed her chance. She let a few tears fall now no longer having the strength to hold them in. 

"I guess we both were clueless, Chris. I'm sorry, I never said anything." Kelley said smiling softly at her friend and pulling their hands apart so she could wipe away the tears on Christen's face. 

"I'm sorry too," Christen said her heart pounding in it's chest at the feeling of Kelley's fingertips across her cheek.

"At least we made it through and are still friends. I don't know where I'd be right now without you. I'd probably be stuck in Kentucky not knowing where to go." Kelley laughed dryly wanting to lighten the mood. 

Christen snapped out of it suddenly realizing this wasn't quite the revelation she set out for it to be.  _Friends, right. I guess I still can't say what I feel. I guess what I felt is progress._ She smiled weakly at Kelley. 

"We should get back downstairs. Ali is probably about to fuck Ashlyn on my.patio furniture."

"Oh god, not the innocent chairs." Kelley yelled dramatically earning a true laugh from Christen. They rolled off the bed and headed back downstairs stopping in the kitchen to get another beer and being just loud enough to interrupt anything Ali and Ashlyn may have been doing before heading back outside. The rest of the evening passed in a blur of beer and light conversation. 

Ashlyn and Ali left around 1am stumbling into an Uber and a little too drunk to control their PDA. Kelley headed off to bed exhausted from the day and emotionally spent after her conversation with Christen. She lay awake that night mulling it over in her head and wondering about how different things almost turned out. She was nearly asleep when a thought occurred to her. A thought so stirring it kept her awake the rest of the night. 

_Why was Christen upset tonight? She told me she loved me in college. What does that have to do with right now? Was there more to it than that?_

Across the hall, Christen tossed and turned unable to sleep and growing more determined by the minute.

_Don't make the same mistake again, tell her._


	7. Craft Beer and Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen gives up control. Kelley talks to Alex again. Beer is had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos, I wrote this on my phone and autocorrect sucks.

The rest of the weekend passed with Kelley and Christen both nursing hangovers on Sunday. They relaxed on the couch together watching trashy reality shows and napping on and off. Neither of them felt the need to dredge up their conversation from the night before, as they were both far too hungover to deal with much more than agreeing on take out food. The week was a blur as Christen was busy dealing with product issues from last Friday's release. She and Kelley still kept to their morning routine, but Christen often came home to an already dark house with Kelley fast asleep in her room.

By Friday at 2pm, Christen had enough and headed down to the kegs on the lower floor and filled up her cup she kept at her desk for such occasions. She headed back up stairs and straight for Ali's desk knowing Ali always brought out her tumbler of wine at precisely two every Friday.

"That time for you too?" Ali asked as Christen sat down on the padded filing cabinet next to Ali's desk.

"It was at 9am, but I was being patient."

"You're telling me, I'm sick of all the sales directors trying to tell me when moves to new offices need to happen. I’m tempted to let them move their teams before the cabling is done. Let them lose a week of sales and then maybe they will listen."

"It must be nice being revenue generating headcount. Us lowly overhead cost peasants just don't get it," Christen replied sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. Ali laughed loudly popping out of her chair and grabbing her glass of wine off her desk.

"Let's go walk around. I heard there are cookies left over from the board meeting stashed somewhere."

Christen followed Ali winding through the building until they found the stash of cookies. They headed out to the patio on the top floor and found a seat near the edge looking out at the mountains to the west.

"Damn, that view never gets old," Christen says thoughtfully as she stared at the long line of snow peaks jutting into the sky.

Ali simply nodded taking a sip of wine before glancing at Christen.

"So are you going to tell me what happened between you and Kelley on Saturday?"

Christen sighed knowing she needed to talk things through. Despite her busy week at work, she had been unable to sleep.most nights as she stared at the ceiling contemplating how to tell Kelley that the feelings she had for her back in college were very much alive. Christen recounted the whole conversation from Saturday and hoped that her friend could provide some advice.

"Holy shit, Ash was actually right, then? God, she's never going to let us hear the end of it."

"Ali, focus. I'm having a crisis here. What do I do?"

"I think you know what you need to do. Just tell her how you feel."

"But what if it's too soon or she doesn't feel the same way? She just ended a 4 year relationship and moved across the country because she was so upset."

Ali nodded in understanding, "What if you just let it play out for a bit then? You can spend time with her and see where it goes. Let her heal, but don't hold yourself back. I’ve seen what it looks like when you hold things in and it will not go well. Just let things happen."

"Me, let things happen? You realize who you’re talking to? I don’t ‘let things happen’"

"I know, Chris, but you can’t rush this or it will blow up in your face and you can’t hide how you feel either. Flirt with her and have fun. If it all blows up anyway, well that’s why you have beer and me and Ash.”

“This is going to be a disaster” Christen muttered under her breath before draining the rest of her cup.

“Maybe, but maybe not.” Ali said shrugging and staring out at the mountains.

 --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Christen opened the door to her house slightly buzzed after 4 beers at the office. The train home had done little to sober her, and she walked through the door not thinking about the fact that she was about to spend the most time she had with Kelley in the past week. 

"Hey stranger," Kelley called out from her spot in the living room. She was wearing just running shorts and a sports bra and rolling out her hamstrings on the foam roller. Christen caught sight of her and gulped at the sight trying to keep her eyes from focusing on Kelley's body.

"Hey, Kel. How was your day?"

"It was good. I went on a run and went to the gym to lift for a little."

"Do I need to have a workout intervention with you? You've been self inflicting two and three a days since you moved in."

Kelley shrugged moving on to roll out her quads, "It just helps me clear me head. I've got a lot of my mind."

"Yeah? Anything you want to talk about?" Christen asked forcing her eyes away from Kelley's scantily clothed body and heading to the kitchen for some water. 

"Not yet, I'm still working it all out in my head first."

Christen leaned against the counter facing away from Kelley and took a sip of water wondering for a second if Kelley had been thinking about their talk Saturday as much as she had been this week.  _Don't be stupid, she's probably thinking about Alex._

Kelley finished rolling out in silence before placing the foam roller next to Christen's yoga mat in the corner. Christen vaguely heard Kelley walking towards the kitchen, but she didn't think anything of it until suddenly Kelley was behind her and wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug. Christen felt Kelley press her face against her back as she continued to hold Christen tightly. She mumbled something against her back that Christen didn't quite catch. 

"What Kel?"

Kelley lifted her head slightly, "I said thank you for letting me live here and just being here for me."

Christen twisted around in Kelley's arms and laced her own arms around Kelley's neck pulling her in for a proper hug 

"No thanks needed, Kel. I like having you here."

They stayed like that for a moment wrapped up in each other. Christen's skin was burning where it made contact with Kelley, but she couldn't bring her self to pull away. Kelley smelled like sweat and shampoo, and it was weirdly intoxicating to Christen. She remembered Ali's words from that afternoon, and it was then she decided that for Kelley she would be content to let things just happen like Ali said. Despite her usual need to control every situation, she was just enjoying being with Kelley in any way and that was okay.

Kelley finally pulled away and looked at Christen sheepishly.

"Sorry, I probably smell gross. I'm going to go clean up. Do you want to go out with me tonight? I saw a brewery on my run that I want to try."

Christen nodded, "Yeah, that sounds great. I'm going to chug some more water while you shower and then we can head out. Do you want me to see if Ash and Ali are busy?"

Kelley paused halfway to the stairs and turned slightly towards Christen and smirked, "No, I think I want you all to myself tonight."

Rationally Christen knew Kelley was just kidding, but the butterflies in her stomach didn't care. If she was being honest, she wanted Kelley all to herself for more than just a night.

\-------------------------------------------

A few hours later and Christen was once again a few beers in with Kelley matching her pace. They had talked about old friends from school and where they wanted to go with their careers and life. It seemed like they were aligned on nearly everything they wanted for their futures.

They both wanted two kids, but they wanted to adopt not have them biologically. They both wanted to wait until mid-30s for adoption as well so they could advance their careers more and be more financially stable. They didn't want a huge wedding as both would be happy to elope somewhere on a beach or in the mountains once they found the right person. 

With every new piece of information, Christen felt an overwhelming feeling like something was falling into place throughout the night. Kelley was the same fun-loving, smart, funny woman she had met in college, but she was also so different now. She seemed more stable and mature and less erratic. She knew what she wanted and didn't drift around not knowing what she wanted to do or who she wanted to do like she had in college.

"Can I ask you something?" Kelley asked interrupting Christen's train of thought. Christen simply nodded telling her to go on. 

"Did you think Alex and I would last?"

Christen hesitated for a moment unsure if Kelley was ready to hear her real opinion.

"Be honest," Kelley said as if she had read Christen's mind. 

"Honestly, I was kind of surprised you lasted as long as you did. I love Alex and she's a great person, but it always seemed like you were more invested in the relationship. You gave up so much to spend your life with her. You could've gone Pro, Kelley, and I'm not saying she was manipulative or made you not do that. I just don't know that she would've chosen your relationship if her knee hadn't been blown out and she had the choice that you did."

Kelley nodded her face unreadable as she thought through Christen's opinion. 

"I'm sorry, was that too much? Just forget I said anything. I know you still have feelings for her. Seriously, just forg-"

"Chris, I was just processing," Kelley said grabbing Christen's hand across the table, "Don't be sorry. I asked you."

Christen sighed in relief and moved her hand so she was properly holding Kelley's in her own between them on the table. 

"I think you're probably right. I think I may have known for awhile we weren't going to last," Kelley said breaking the silence,"I've been replaying everything in my head for months, and I think we were over long before either of us knew it. When it ended, I was so broken and I just thought it was because I was so in love with her still. I don't think that was it though. I think I was just mourning the life I was trying to build, but I don't think she was the right person to build it with. She was just all I knew for so long that I didn't even realize I wasn't in love with her and hadn't been for awhile. We were in a rut and I think this baby was just life's way of getting us both out of that rut."

Christen rubbed Kelley's hand lightly as she spoke, "I'm glad you're getting through this, Kel. I think that actually makes a lot of sense. This could be good for you. Both of you."

Kelley nodded, "I called her this morning."

Christen's eyebrows must've raised in surprise because Kelley chuckled dryly, "Calm down, it went okay. We basically talked about what I just told you. It felt kind of nice like we both were getting closure. We both agreed maybe someday when we can try and be just friends."

"That's great, Kelley. I'm proud of you for having the nerve to call her that must've been hard to do." Christen smiled softly and Kelley grinned back at her.

"I'm sorry to say this ladies, but we are actually closing up for the night." Christen looked up startled by their waitress's voice and looked around to realize they were the last ones left in the brewery.

Kelley pulled out her card to close out the tab despite Christen's protests and tipped generously considering they had accidentally kept them open 10 minutes past their normal hours. 

"Sorry about that," Kelley said smiling at the waitress, "You should've kicked us out earlier. I didn't realize we were the last ones here."

"No worries, I had to close up still and honestly you guys looked so cute together. I didn't have it in me to interrupt your date," the waitress replied smiling at them both and walking away.

Kelley blushed looking over at Christen whose cheeks matched her own. They smiled nervously at each other and both let out an awkward laugh. 

"To be fair, we were holding hands and you payed for me," Christen said trying to ease the awkwardness of the situation.

Kelley laughed softly, "Maybe next time, it can be our anniversary. We should at least try and get some free beer out of this." 

Christen rolled her eyes standing up from the table and gathering her things, "You're ridiculous, let's head home before they really throw us out."

Kelley stuck out her tongue at Christen laughing when Christen flipped her off in return as they headed out the door into the chilly night air.

When they arrived home, Christen immediately headed towards the stairs as she was feeling the exhaustion from the day. She felt Kelley's hand grab her wrist and stop her before she went up the steps. Christen turned to face Kelley waiting for an explanation.

"You know, what I told you at the brewery? About getting closure with Alex?"

Christen just nodded unsure where Kelley was going with this and too tired to try and figure it out. 

"I think what you told me on Saturday was a big part of that. I don't want to miss out on something right in front of me, because I'm too scared. I think I was scared to let Alex go, but hearing that we both were too scared in college to ever figure things out that helped me realize that."

Christen swallowed the lump in her throat scared to move or say anything. She was screaming at herself internally to tell Kelley then and there that they could get that chance they never took in college again now, but she stayed silent. 

"I just wanted to think you for sharing that with me and for everything again." Kelley finished leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to Christen's cheek, "Good night, Chris."

Christen's skin tingled where Kelley's mouth had touched her cheek and she barely mustered up a wave good night as Kelley passed by her and headed up the stairs and out of sight into her bedroom.

Kelley laid awake that night thinking for once about someone other than Alex. She thought about her best friend just across the hall and wondered for the first time in a long time if there could be something real between them one day.


	8. Raincheck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kelley wants to go out, but her quick witted mouth has other plans for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for typos again. Autocorrect

Weeks passed without Kelley or Christen bringing up anything that was more serious than 'what do you want for dinner'. They settled into a routine although it wasn't exactly comfortable, at least on Christen's part. Little did she know that Kelley was just as aware at the growing tension between them. Christen's vibrator in her nightstand was working overtime, and Kelley was pushing her body to new limits at the gym to try and get her mind off of Christen. With every day, Kelley was growing more aware of how much Christen affected her, and Christen was closer to throwing all caution out the window.Christen wanted everything to be on Kelley's terms given that she was still recovering from a failed long time relationship, but if she walked in on Kelley half clothed and sweaty from her latest workout one more time, well she wasn't sure she could stop herself from making a move.

Every night, they would both lay awake too restless to sleep and oblivious to the fact that both of them were wide awake and thinking about each other. Kelley had mulled it over for the last few weeks and settled on a decision that if something was going to happen between her and Christen, then it needed to be on Christen's terms. She was afraid if she made the first move that Christen would think it was just her rebounding after Alex. She was prepared to wait as long a sit took this time for Christen to come to her instead of giving up all those years ago and convincing herself it would never happen. She knew now that the connection was real back then, and she could feel them settling back into those same feelings. 

It was a Saturday afternoon and Kelley had been relaxing on the couch watching soccer and taking a much needed rest day from her Christen induced gym regimen. Christen had run to the store mumbling something about needing more batteries before leaving the house without more than a wave to Kelley. Kelley opened her phone and texted Ashlyn to see what she and Ali were up to. The two had immediately hit it off and had even been going to the gym together once Ashlyn was off work for the last week or so.

_What are you doing tonight? Want to go out? I have yet to go to an actual club here._

_Ash: Hang on, let me ask Ali._

Kelley sighed watching the game lazily as she waited.

You're so whipped. 

 _Ash: It's called considerate not whipped_. We're in for tonight even though you're rude. 

_Is it rude if it's the truth? Where do you want to go? I'll meet you out and see if Chris wants to come._

_Ash: Chris says she's in._

_How could you possibly know that already? She's at the store._

_Ash: I called Ali. They always go to the store together on Saturdays._

_Sweet, well figure out where you want to go and we will meet you there._

_\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

A few hours later, Christen came down the stairs to find Kelley in ripped jeans and a crisp light blue button up with the sleeves rolled up. Christen had decided on something similar with her favorite pair of jeans and a simple black sleeveless top that had a deep cut in the back. Kelley looked up from where she had been scrolling on her phone and simply stated at Christen for a moment. Christen blushed as she watched Kelley's eyes roam up and down her body.

"You clean up well," Kelley said her voice a little uneven. 

"You say that like you're surprised," Christen taunted playfully as she internally reveled in the compliment. 

"Oh please, I'm not surprised just didn't want to inflate that ego of yours," Kelley smirked at Christen knowing this would get under her skin.

"Ego? Me? I think you must be confused. You were Miss 'I can have any girl I want' in college not me."

"I thought we went over this, Chris, there was only one girl I wanted in college and I thought she didn't want me," Kelley froze she had said it without thinking but now she had brought up the elephant in the room that they both had been repressing for weeks. 

Christen blushed and turned away to walk towards the kitchen without another word. She honestly didn't know how to respond as Kelley had caught her so off guard with the reference to their conversation in her bed weeks ago. Kelley sat on the couch frozen as her eyes followed Christen's movements in the kitchen as she shakily poured herself a glass of whiskey on ice and nearly downed it one drink before refilling. Snapping out of her trance, Kelley went into damage control mode. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make it awkward," Kelley said apologetically as she got up and walked towards the refrigerator. 

Christen replied softly still not moving and slowly sipping on her glass of whiskey, "It's okay."

Kelley didn't respond unsure if Christen was replying to her or just talking to herself at this point. She reached for the refrigerator door to open it but stopped as Christen put her hand over the door keeping it shut. Kelley paused turning her head to the left to find Christen next to her and staring at her with a smoldering look in her eyes. A look that both turned Kelley on and terrified her. 

"What're you doing?" Kelley asked her voice dropping to a whisper at the end.

"What are we doing?" Christen rhetorted.

Kelley paused again debating internally how far she wanted to take this conversation tonight. She decided to see where it went as something in the way Christen was looking at her told her this wasn't something she was going to let Kelley blow off with a joke.

"What do you mean?" Kelley asked trying to place the power with Christen to escalate the conversation if she wanted.

"I mean, either I'm going insane and am just pathetic or you're feeling this charge that's been growing between us the last few weeks."

Kelley dropped her hand from the fridge handle and stood out straight to fully time to face Christen. 

Kelley took a chance closing her eyes for a second and taking a deep breath before speaking, "It's all I've thought about for weeks. You're not crazy, Chris."

Christen's shoulders seemed to relax at that and she took a small step closer to Kelley still looking into her eyes 

"Me too," Christen replied in a whisper as she smiled nervously at Kelley. 

They were so close that Kelley could feel Christen's breath as she takes. Kelley grabbed Christen's right hand and intertwined it with her own. She looked down at their locked hands momentarily relishing in the feeling of just a simple gesture and how it made her feel so much. When she looked up, Christen had leaned in closer and before Kelley could process what was happening, Christen was pressing her lips against Kelley's softly. 

It only lasted for a second, but Kelley's heart was burning in her chest as Christen's soft lips came into contact with her own. As Christen pulled away, Kelley leaned forward resting their foreheads together and unable to contain the smile forming across her face. 

"Text Ash, tell her we need a raincheck," Christen said her voice strong and confident. 

Kelley felt her heart rate speed up at the implications of Christen's command. She fumbled for her phone in her back pocket and shot off a text. She didn't have time to wait for a reply as Christen took her phone from her hand and set it in the counter next to the refrigerator, and a reply was the last thing on Kelley's mind as the the lust in Christen's eyes was apparent as she moved in towards Kelley again and kissed her eagerly. Kelley let Christen move her as she pleased and felt the cool counter touch her back as she kissed Christen passionately. Her body was on fire as Christen's hands grabbed Kelley's wrists and placed them on her hips. 

Kelley got the hint and her right hand began to roam Christen's body searching for more contact and finally settling on Christen's ass giving it a soft squeeze and pulling her closer as Christen slipped her tongue in Kelley's mouth. They both moaned and had to pull apart briefly as neither of them could breathe.

"What are we doing?" Kelley whispered with  insecurity getting the better of her as she realized they had just crossed a line, but she still wasn't sure where the other side of that line was leading. 

"I want you, Kelley," Christen replied placing open mouthed kisses on Kelley's neck. 

Kelley tilted her head back giving Christen more access and trying hard to focus on her questions.

"No-I mean- Wh- What does this mean? Is this just sex for you? If it is, just- it's not for me. It never was and still isn't just sex" Kelley stuttered out and she felt Christen paused her ministrations and move her head back up to look at Kelley.

"I know, Kel," Christen said bringing a hand up to brush Kelley's cheek affectionately, "I want you for real this time, not just for sex."

"You're sure?" Kelley asked hesitantly.

"Positive," Christen said pressing another soft kiss to Kelley's lips.

Kelley sighed into the kiss relieved. 

"Besides, what makes you think we are having sex?" Christen teased earning an eye roll from Kelley.

"Oh please, I know that look in your eye, Chris. Just face it, you can't resist me."

"Is that a bet?" Christen asked raising her eyebrows and walking away from Kelley. 

"What-no, I was just kidding. Forget I said anything, let's just go back to a minute ago. I think we should probably make out a little more." Kelley said scrambling to defuse Christen from the unintentional challenge. 

Christen laughed pulling Kelley in for another kiss only to pull back a moment later, "You're lucky I don't feel like torturing you today. I really do think we should take this slow though." 

Kelley sighed in relief, "My body is going to hate me for this, but I think you're right. We started with sex last time and it didn't work out. Let's start with the talking this time. How about we start with, I' so into you, Chris, and I'd really like to take you on an actual date." 

Christen beamed at Kelley's words, "I'd really like that, Kel."

Kelley grinned at her response and leaned in to whisper in Christen's ear, "what do you think about pizza and beer and a shitty Netflix film in the meantime?"

"No dirty talk, I'm already wet," Christen replied laughing loudly at her own joke as Kelley's jaw clenched at her words.

"You're not fair," Kelley pouted.

"You started it," Christen shrugged innocently. 

"Maybe I'll finish it in due time," Kelley winked laughing as Christen slapped her on the arm.

"Shut up, and go pick out a movie."

"Damn, okay, okay. You coming?" Kelley winked again and laughed as she ran off to the living room before Christen could respond.


	9. Day Drinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex calls again with news. Trigger warning - miscarriage.

On Monday, Christen walked into work far too chipper for a Monday morning. Ali immediately took note of the change in behavior and cornered Christen near the break area. 

"You and Kelley hooked up, didn't you?"

Christen paused as she finished pouring her coffee and just glared at Ali.

"Ali, we are at work don't be so loud."

"Oh please, now you're just avoiding the question. You ditch us on Saturday last minute and come into work super happy on Monday. Even Ashlyn could put those clues together and we both know she can be oblivious." Ali quipped resting a hand on her hip and raising one eyebrow as she waited for Christen to confess.

Christen paused again but decided to get it over with, "Fine, we kissed."

Both of Ali's eyebrows raised in surprise, "Kissed? Seriously? Damn it, I owe Ashlyn a- well a something. I thought for sure you'd had sex Saturday."

"You guys are betting on us now, seriously?" 

Ali shrugged, "We get bored sometimes, need to keep it interesting somehow after so many years together."

"Okay, you guys are just weird betting sexual favors on your friends sex life."

Ali scoffed, "Oh please, you're the weird one you should be so sexually frustrated right now, and you're standing here beaming after just kissing Kelley all weekend."

"You're just mad you lost the bet."

"How about you let me tell Ash that I won, and I promise to stop placing bets on your sex life?"

Christen laughed out loud shaking her head at how competitive Ali was with just a simple bet, "Deal."

"Okay, now seriously. I want to know everything. How did it happen?"

"I just kind of went for it. She made some comments again about me being the only girl she wanted in college, and it got awkward but then I don't know I just needed to kiss her and so I did."

Ali smiled as Christen recounted the story, "That's great, Chris. Did you guys talk about what it meant?"

"Yeah, I mean we both were on the same page that there are feelings involved and it's not just sex, so we decided to take things slow."

Ali chuckled at that, "Slow, huh? Good luck with that, Chris"

"What's that supposed to mean? I can do slow."

"Oh I know you can usually, but you two are living together and you have 4 years of what you thought were unrequited feelings and weeks of sexual tension since she moved in."

Christen sighed closing her eyes for a moment and groaning, "Fuck, I didn't even think about it that way. Whatever, don't kill my good mood, Al. I'll see you later."

Ali laughed as Christen walked away and flipped her off. 

"Love you too, Chris," Ali called after her as she watched her turn the corner.

 ________________________________________________

Kelley returned from her morning run Monday and was still buzzing with energy. This weekend had been one of the best for her in months. She was still a little in shock at what had happened as she was expecting to have to wait awhile before Christen would make a move. Thankfully, her slip up in directly mentioning their conversation about how much she had wanted Christen in college ended up being the catalyst to spur Christen into action. 

They had spent all of Sunday exploring a park nearby and stealing kisses. Kelley's whole body had been buzzing since their first kiss Saturday, well first kiss in a long time anyways. She smiled at the thought of it. Christen's lips tasted like the whiskey she had downed the moment before, and her touch had felt both familiar and new as their hands roamed each other's bodies. She knew they needed to ease into things and do this right, but she was dying at the thought of getting to explore all of Christen. 

As much as she never wanted to admit it while she was with Alex, she still remembered every touch and every kiss she shared with Christen in college vividly. It wasn't as if she had pined for Christen all these years. She had been really happy with Alex, but she never forgot about her time with Christen. In the beginning, Alex had really helped her through what she thought was her unrequited feelings for Christen in college, and her friendship with Alex had just escalated after she resolved that Christen just didn't want more from her. Kelley was so out of it as she thought everything through that she almost didn't notice her phone buzzing on the counter as the name  _Alex lit up the screen._

Kelley hesitated for a second before clicking accept and putting it on speaker.

"Hello," Kelley spoke uncertain of why Alex was calling her so quickly after they both agreed they would need space before trying to be friends last time they had spoken.

"Kel," Alex's voice rasped out almost in a whisper, "Kelley, I need you," Alex gasped out before breaking out into loud sobs over the phone.

Kelley stood still not knowing what to do or say for a moment. Finally, she pulled herself together and responded.

"Alex, what's wrong?" She could hear Alex nearly hyperventilating over the line and her heart clenched in it's chest knowing that Alex never got upset like this unless it was something really bad.

"I - I lost the - the baby," Alex choked out before breaking down into another fit of sobs.

Kelley closed her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat as it still pained her a little to think of how she found out about Alex's pregnancy, but she knew Alex always wanted to have a kid physically and that this must be devastating for her.

"I'm so sorry, Lex," Kelley said her voice sympathetic, "Can you breathe for me, Lex? Just try and take deep breaths."

It was bizarre trying to coach Alex through this crisis, but Kelley naturally shifted into her best comforting girlfriend mode so quickly that it kind of scared her how much power Alex had over her without even realizing it. She heard Alex start to take more even breaths as Kelley coached her through taking deep breaths in and out until she calmed down. 

"I'm sorry," Alex said as she had finally calmed down enough to speak clearly, "I know I shouldn't be calling you."

"It's okay," Kelley said shrugging it off more for her own benefit than for Alex's given that she was hundreds of miles away.

"I really am sorry about this, Alex. It'll be okay though. You and-," Kelley paused realizing how strange it was to say someone else's name in the context of Alex, "Serv will get through it."

Alex laughed dryly and Kelley was worried for a moment that she was really losing it as nothing about this was funny.

"He left me," Alex said quietly, "Apparently, he was just trying to 'do the right thing' while I was pregnant. As soon as there was no more baby, he dipped out pretty soon after that."

Kelley cringed at Alex's words, "I'm sorry, Lex."

"Maybe this is just karma, I broke your heart and so now mine needs to be."

"Don't say that, we both messed things up it wasn't just on your end. We were done long before that and just didn't know it yet."

Alex sighed, "You want to know something fucked up?" 

Kelley didn't respond for fear of what Alex would say in her emotionally fragile state.

"I think all of this has made me realize I shouldn't have taken you for granted so much. Every day since it happened, I just have had this thought in the back of my head that maybe this is fate's way of telling me I made a mistake."

"Don't," Kelley warned Alex shutting her eyes, "I'm in a good place, Lex. We talked about this, and it was for the best."

"I'm not so sure about that anymore. This whole time that I've been dealing with this loss, the only person I've wanted to be here to help is you."

"Don't," Kelley whispered.

"I'm not saying this to fuck with your head, Kel. I'm just telling you how it is for me. Just think about it, and call me if you want to talk."

Kelley sighed as her buzz from the weekend was completely gone and her head felt heavy with muddled thoughts.

"Okay, I'll think about it. I really am sorry about your loss Lex."

"Thanks, Kel. I'm sorry to throw all of this on you. Il get through it. It's just hard. You know how much I want a family."

"You'll have one some day, Lex. Just try to think about that."

"Yeah, someday," Alex said wistfully as she pictured herself holding a swaddled baby in her arms as Kelley cooed at them.

"Hang in there, Lex. I'll talk to you later."

"I hope so, bye Kel."

Kelley hung up the phone and immediately went for the bottle of whiskey in Christen's cupboard. She poured herself a generous glass and headed towards the couch to find some show or movie to get lost in for awhile.

Christen returned home from work to the sound of Kelley yelling at the television. She laughed to herself until she saw the whiskey in Kelley's glass and realized something must have happened today. Kelley wasn't one to day drink alone.

"Hi, gorgeous," Kelley said looking up from the TV to smile at Christen, "How was work?"

Christen shrugged assessing Kelley. She wasn't slurring so that was a good sign that she wasn't too far gone, "It was okay. You having fun?" Christen asked glancing at the dark liquid in Kelley's cup.

Kelley shrugged, "Rough day."

Christen slipped her shoes off and walked over to the couch pulling Kelley into her side as she sat down.

"You okay?" Christen asked as she pressed a soft kiss to the top of Kelley's head. Kelley leaned into the contact.

"I'll be okay. I don't know that I can say the same for Alex."

Christen paused confused, "Alex Morgan?"

Kelley nodded, "She called me today with bad news. She lost her baby."

Christen frowned, "I'm sorry that's awful. Was she alright? I mean obviously she's not, but God that's just terrible."

Kelley nodded again, "Servando left her too. Apparently he was only sticking around because of the baby."

"Shit," Christen said out loud unsure of how else to respond.

"She said that she thinks she made a mistake with how we ended. She says she misses me."

Christen closed her eyes and tried to steady herself before responding. She wasn't sure where this was going but a pang of jealousy washed over her. 

"How do you feel about that?" Christen asked cautiously trying to keep her tone neutral.

"Honestly, I'm kind of pissed off about it. We had closure and she just kicked the door down on it, but I also just feel shitty for being mad because she's probably just going through a lot right now. She probably doesn't even know what she's doing or saying. She sounded so broken."

"Damn, okay now I understand the Whiskey alone. You're a good person, Kel. You're allowed to feel mad. You feel bad about it, because you're a good person and you care enough to think about the fact that she's just going through a lot. You were her safe place for so long. I'm not surprised she is reaching for you now even if she may be a little confused about what that means about your relationship. She will figure it out once she's healed a little."

"How do you do that?" Kelley questioned.

"What?"

"Makes sense of things so quickly and make me feel better about them. I've been trying to work that out all day. It took me hours."

Christen shrugged, "You over analyze enough of your own life you start getting really good at it."

"It's kind of like a super power," Kelley chuckled.

"Neurosis, the new super strength," Christen quipped earning a real laugh from Kelley. They sat there in silence as Kelley relaxed into Christen's side even more.

"Hey Chris?" Kelley asked quietly.

"Hm," Christen hummed telling her to continue.

"Don't over analyze this, okay? Alex popping up with a crisis and an I miss you doesn't change anything for me. I'm over her, and I'm really excited to see where things go with you."

Christen let out a deep breath that she didn't even realize she was holding, "I'm really excited too, Kel."


	10. Slow is Relative

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slow enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for typos

The next few days passed with no attempt by Alex to reach out to Kelley. Christen and Kelley settled into a new flavor of their morning routine that usually ended up with Christen being a few minutes later to work than usual due to Kelley kissing her neck as she went to grab a to go cup of coffee before leaving. Christen was happier than she had been in a very long time and even her work seemed to be going smoothly lately after a rough last year. As Christen pulled down the latest rev per day metrics from yesterday on one of her ongoing product tests, a slack notification popped up from the front desk attendant. 

Lauren: You have a visitor at the front desk.

Christen furrowed her brow as she wasn't expecting anyone. She rarely ever had people coming into the office for her. She walked down the steps to the main floor and turned the corner to find Kelley staring out the window in the lobby at the Denver skyline and the mountains. Christen smiled at the surprise and took her time to look Kelley up and down fully noting how good the jeans she was wearing made her ass look and the paper bag in her hands. She approached Kelley from behind and wrapped her arms around her waist for a hug.

Kelley turned around as Christen released her and smiled excitedly.

"Hey," Christen spoke winking at Kelley who was still smiling up at her 

"This office is awesome. I was out and thought I'd bring you lunch."

"You're the best I'm starving," Christen replied grabbing the bag from Kelley's hand and giving her a quick kiss.

Kelley blushed and shrugged it off, "I figured you'd be hungry when I saw you forgot your lunch at home."

"Shit, I didn't even realize I left it. I was just about to go to the fridge here for it."

"Well, you were a bit distracted this morning," Kelley winked.

"Can't imagine why that was?" Christen shrugged before winking back at Kelley. She cleared her thought realizing the receptionist, Lauren, could likely hear everything they are saying.

Kelley didn't bother to respond as she noticed Christen's eyes wandering to the front desk and took the hint. She simply grabbed Christen's hand to pull her towards the rest of the office.

"Come on, I want a tour before I leave."

The floors were concrete and the ceilings were twenty feet tall with open space stretching up to the 8th floor from the main floor on 7 as you walked past the front desk. The furniture was eclectic and modern with large comfy chairs spread about. Christen simply let Kelley lead her by the hand through the open area and into the main break area.

"I'm still so jealous you have kegs at work," Kelley whisper yelled to Christen.

"Kel, you literally don't work right now you can have beer whenever you want."

"But keg beer tastes better especially when at work."

"You're ridiculous," Christen rolled her eyes as she quickly stashed the lunch Kelley had brought her for later.

"You like it."

Christen just glared at her playfully as Kelley batted her eyes dramatically. They wandered around the office as Kelley commented on every chair choice and conference room decor like an HGTV show. Christen was content just to watch Kelley wander around the building. She couldn't take her eyes off of Kelley at all these days. By the time they had reached the end of their tour, Kelley was chattering excitedly about the view from the West side of the building and Christen's was just trying to keep her thoughts from wandering fully into the gutter with how good Kelley looked in the natural light that was coming in through the windows. 

They made it back to the front desk and Kelley signed out before turning back to Christen.

"Walk me out?"

Christen nodded motioning towards the exit and letting Kelley lead the way again. As soon as the door shut behind them, Kelley turned to Christen again.

"You're quiet today," Kelley observed raising an eyebrow at Christen.

"Just thinking," Christen shrugged off. She and Kelley both knew the affect Kelley had on her, but she wasn't about to give Kelley the satisfaction of saying out loud that all she wanted to do was take her home.and tear her clothes off. She liked to play the game with Kelley it made it so much more enjoyable when they both gave in.

Kelley smirked to herself as she pressed the elevator button for the 1st floor. The tension was palpable as they were alone again after a morning make out session that nearly had Christen calling into work and begging Kelley to fuck her on the kitchen counter, not that she told Kelley that.

"I bet you're thinking about the same thing I'm thinking about right now," Kelley whispered out as she stared straight ahead in the elevator. The elevator dinged and the doors opened up. Christen huffed frustratedly as Kelley stepped out whistling under her breath casually and heading towards the exit onto the street. Christen checked her calendar quickly making sure she was free as they stepped into the street. She took Kelley's hand in her own a little aggressively and nearly dragged her down the block to an alley between two buildings. Being in a warehouse district did have a few perks after all as there was hardly any foot traffic.

Christen pulled Kelley along with her through the alley until they were successfully out of view from the street and spun her around pushing her up against the brick wall to one of the buildings. Kelley was smirking at her smugly having been right before that Christen was thinking about their morning just as much as she was. Christen was so sexually frustrated she chose to ignore Kelley's smug look for once and pulled her in for a desperate kiss. Hands roamed across skin as they kissed, and Christen could barely hold herself upright as her head spun and her skin burned. 

Kelley gripped her hips firmly walking her backwards to the other building and taking control. Their lips broke apart and Christen's chest heaved with uneven breaths as Kelley moved to kiss and lick Christen's neck biting softly behind Christen's ear and eliciting a soft moan.

"I can see you still like it when I do that just as much as you used to," Kelley husked out her breath tickling Christen's neck.

Christen grabbed the back of Kelley's hair firmly and pulled it lightly until Kelley's head was tilted up towards her. Kelley moaned as Christen tugged her head back demandingly and kissed the base of Kelley's throat. Christen smirked satisfied at the response.

"I guess you still like that just as much too." 

Kelley just smiled as she leaned back in towards Christen and captured her lips for a moment before pulling back, "If you don't stop now, I'm going to end up fucking you in this alley. I need a bed for what I want to do to you."

Christen swallowed as her mouth went dry at the thought of everything she wanted Kelley to do to her.  _Ali was right. Slow was not going to work when it came to Kelley._ Christen sighed as Kelley pulled further away and reached for Kelley's hand as they headed out of the alley and back towards the light rail station. They paused for a moment once at the station as Kelley left a lingering kiss on Christen's lips.

"Can I take you on a real date tonight?," Kelley asked as she pulled back.

Christen smiled, "You better, I don't just kiss anyone in alley ways."

"Good to know, I'll pick you up at 7?" Kelley asked as she gave Christen one last kiss on the lips as the train was approaching.

"Kel, we literally live together. How're you going to pick me up?"

"Shhh, don't ruin the moment."

"You're ridiculous," Christen smiled shaking her head.

"You like it," Kelley winked as her train came to a stop and she headed towards the door waving good bye to Christen.

 

At 7pm that night, Christen was putting the finishing touches on her makeup when she heard a knock at the door downstairs. 

"Kel? Can you get that? Just tell whoever it is that I'm out or about to be"

Christen paused when she didn't get a response from Kelley. They often shouted across the hall about things and easily heard each other. The knock persisted and Christen finished off her mascara and headed out of her room and down the stairs noting that Kelley's door was shut so she must be getting dressed. She made it down the stairs and opened the front door to find Kelley in tight fitting jeans and a crisp white button up. 

Christen's eyes trailed her body as Kelley looked at her with an amused grin on her face.

"I told you that I'd pick you up."

Christen rolled her eyes as she finished giving Kelley a once over. 

"You're lucky you're so hot, because you're absolutely ridiculous."

Kelley just grinned, "Hot, huh?"

"Shut up," Christen rolled her eyes again as she pulled Kelley's hand and dragged her back into the apartment.

"Kidding, you look gorgeous as always, Chris."

"That's more like it," Christen replied as she shut the door behind them, "I just need to grab my phone and then we can head out."

Kelley nodded as she leaned against the wall in the doorway and watched Christen walk back up the stairs.  _Damn, she looks good._ They had agreed on something casual for the night so Christen was dressed similarly to Kelley with Jeans and a dark blue tank top on. Even in something simple, Kelley was still finding it hard to peel her eyes away even as Christen turned the corner towards her room and was out of sight for a moment.

"Where are we headed?" Christen asked as she came back down with her phone in hand taking note of the way Kelley's eyes lingered on her as she came down the steps.

"You'll see," Kelley replied leading Christen out of the door and locking it behind them.

The Uber ride was nearly twenty minutes as Christen gazed out the window content to people watch as Kelley held her hand on the seat between them. Kelley, always the social creature, made small talk with the Uber driver the whole way. As they pulled to a stop, Christen smiled as she recognized the street and the bar. Kelley walked around the car and took Christen's hand as she led her towards the main entrance.

"What do you think? There isn't a McCarthy's here, but I thought it was fitting to go to an Irish pub."

"It's perfect, just as long as you buy me a drink and kiss me on the patio."

"I'll even throw in dinner just because I'm nice like that," Kelley quipped earning a smile from Christen.

The night passed quickly as Kelley and Christen shared dinner and a couple of drinks as they talked about nothing and everything. After a couple of hours, Kelley motioned for the bill insisting on paying despite Christen's protests that she was currently unemployed and should let Christen help. They exited the bar hand in hand as Kelley called an Uber home. The night air was cool on Christen's skin but it did little to calm the fire that had been building between her and Kelley all week. She traced circles on Kelley's hand with her thumb as they waited and prepared herself mentally for what she wanted to do when they got home.

The twenty minute Uber drive was agonizing on the way back as Kelley held her hand and talked animatedly about the superiority of Irish whiskey over bourbon. As they pulled up outside Christen's townhouse and walked through the front door, Kelley paused in the entry way turning to face Christen as she finished locking the door. Kelley approached her slowly leaning in to press their lips together softly letting the kiss linger a moment before pulling back. 

"Thanks for tonight, I had a really good night," Kelley whispered as Christen glanced at her lips before smiling. 

"Me too," Christen replied leaning forward to place a quick kiss to Kelley's lips. 

Kelley pulled away after a second holding both of Christen's hands in her own and rubbing soothing circles over them as she debated internally her next statement. She wanted to take Christen up stairs to her bed, but she also knew she said they should wait. The silence was thick with tension as Christen waited for Kelley to say something.

"Good night, Chris," Kelley finally stated as she pressed a kiss to Christen's cheek and turned away heading towards the stairs before she could second guess her decision to stick to their plan of taking things slow.

Christen sighed inaudibly, "Night, Kel." Her voice was barely loud enough for Kelley to hear as she trudged up the stairs to the guest room. Christen stood in the doorway for a moment completely still before settling the internal debate with herself and heading up the stairs. She reached the top of the stairs and paused to take a deep breath before turning towards the door to the guest room. She knocked lightly on the door before opening it.

Kelley was laying on the bed fully clothed still and staring up at the ceiling. She lifted her head when she heard the door open to meet Christen's eyes briefly before laying back down.

"Hey," Kelley called out from her spot on the bed continuing to stare up at the ceiling as she knew her resolve to keep things at a snail's pace was already wearing thin. She figured it was safest to not even look at Christen. 

"Hey, I just wanted to check on you before bed," Christen said as she lifted her shirt over head and let it fall to the ground softly.

"I'm good, good night, Chris." Kelley responded.

She stepped forward into the room unzipping her jeans next and shimmying out of them as quietly and quickly as possible taking advantage of the fact that Kelley wasn't looking at her to get completely undressed. 

Kelley had closed her eyes at this point in an attempt to stay strong, fully expecting Christen to close the door to the room and head to her own bed. She didn't expect to feel the air mattress dip and feel the weight of Christen's body straddle her torso. She opened her eyes ready to question Christen, but she couldn't form words as she opened her eyes to Christen completely naked and straddling her looking down with lust filled eyes. Kelley's eyes scanned Christen's body hungrily as she licked her lips in anticipation.

"Tell me to stop now if you still want to do this slowly. The way you nearly ran up the stairs makes me think slow might be just as torturous for you as it has been for me though," Christen spoke filling the silence as Kelley stared up at her with desire in her eyes.

Kelley cleared her throat as she registered Christen's words, "We waited until after dinner, I think that's slow enough."

Christen smiled in relief as she leaned down to capture Kelley's lips in her own hungrily. Kelley's hands moved across Christen's bare skin as they kissed. Christen sat back on Kelley's hips again catching her breath and beginning to unbutton Kelley's shirt as Kelley's hands moved to her breasts. 

"You need to be naked, like now," Christen whined as Kelley played with her nipples until they hardened under her touch. 

Kelley chuckled at Christen's impatience, "Kind of hard to do when you straddle me with no warning."

"Is that a complaint?" Christen raised her eyebrow glaring down at Kelley as she finished unbuttoning her shirt and moved to unbutton her jeans.

"God no, it was so damn sexy, Chris," Kelley replied as she grabbed Christen's hips and quickly flipped her onto her back. The air mattress squeaked underneath Christen and their heads nearly collided as they sunk towards the middle together.

"Shit, that was much smoother in my head."

Christen laughed heartily as Kelley struggled to get up from the mattress and stand up straight.

"It's always smoother in your head, Kel," Christen retorted as her laughs subsided.

Kelley just rolled her eyes as she stepped out of her jeans and threw her shirt on the floor. 

"Is that a complaint?" Kelley mocked as she rid herself of her bra and underwear as Christen watched from the bed.

Christen ignored the comment as her eyes roamed Kelley's body, "You're fucking gorgeous."

Kelley blushed at the compliment. She was humming with arousal as Christen continued to stare at her body. 

"Let's go to my bed," Christen demanded as she stood up from the air mattress and walked past Kelley to the door of the guest room. She turned around to find Kelley staring at her ass. She smirked heading down the hallway and smiled as she heard Kelley's quick footsteps following behind her. 

As they reached the door to Christen's room, Kelley slammed the door behind them and grabbed Christen's hips turning her around and connecting their lips as she guided her backwards towards the bed. Christen's knees hit the edge of the bed and she fumbled downwards on to the mattress pulling Kelley with her so she was straddling her.

Kelley's hands felt like they were everywhere as Christen bit Kelley's lips softly pulling at it to elicit a moan from Kelley. Kelley pressed Christen's shoulders signalling for her to lay down on the bed fully. Christen complied happily falling back on the mattress as Kelley moved to kiss Christen's neck. She bit lightly at the spot behind Christen's ear earning a familiar moan before licking and biting down Christen's body to her breasts. She took a nipple in her mouth and sucked lightly. Christen's body arched upwards as she whimpered. Kelley slipped her arm under Christen's back as it arched and Christen moaned loudly as Kelley lifted her body and moved her up on the mattress so her feet were no longer dangling off the side

"Fuck, Kell. That's so damn hot," Christen breathed out as Kelley chuckled softly before returning her attention to Christen's breasts to bite and suck lightly until Christen was nearly shaking underneath her at the smallest touch. Kelley made her way down Christen's body pausing to bite at her hip softly and pleased to see Christen's hips jerk upward in response. She settled herself between Christen's thighs and took a teasing swipe at Christen's clit with her tongue.

"Kel, quit teasing," Christen huffed as her hips jerked upwards. Kelley nearly moaned at the desperation in Christen's voice as she buried her head between Christen's thighs and began to draw circles around Christen's clit with her tongue. Christen's hands grabbed at Kelley's hands that were perched on top of Christen's hips holding them in place. She could feel her orgasm building with every flick of Kelley's tongue as the moans rolled off her lips louder by the minute. Kelley moved her right hand from Christen's hip and slid two fingers inside of Christen. She moaned at how wet Christen was and continued to flick her tongue against Christen's clit. 

Christen was a whimpering mess as Kelley worked her over. She grabbed at the sheets and Kelley's hair unable to control her movements. Kelley sucked lightly as her tongue swirled around Christen's clit and she moved her fingers slowly in and out. Christen cursed her name as her body started writhing underneath her and she came hard nearly smacking Kelley in the head as her whole body spasmed and she let out a loud scream. Kelley let her ride it out continuing slow circles with her tongue until Christen gently pulled at her hair signalling for her to stop.

"Fuck, Kel. Too sensitive, you're going to kill me," Christen breathed out. 

Kelley just smiled softly as she looked up at Christen from between her thighs and turned her head to place one last kiss to her inner thigh before crawling up Christen's body and kissing her lips softly. 

Christen moaned and twitched at the taste of herself on Kelley's lips. She reached her hand between their bodies until she found Kelley's center moaning again at how wet Kelley is from getting her off. Kelley's hips jerked as Christen's hand found her center and she pulled away from their kiss her eyes blown with desire.

"What do you want?" Christen asked as she played with Kelley's clit rubbing small circles with her fingers. 

"Fuck," Kelley panted, "I want, I want your mouth."

"Good, that's my favorite," Christen bit her lip flipping Kelley over so that she is on her back. 

"Hold that thought," Christen said as she scrambled over to the night stand grabbing a hair tie. She knelt on the bed letting Kelley's eyes wander over her body as she threw her hair into a quick bun before returning to her spot between Kelley's thighs. She wasted no time teasing Kelley's entrance with her tongue before moving it upward to circle her clit. Kelley was already close after getting Christen off and it didn't take long until she was writhing under Christen and screaming her name as Christens tongue flicked against her clit until her back arched and her body shook with pleasure.Once Kelley came down,  they cuddled up on top of the covers too exhausted to move with Kelley curled into Christen's side one leg thrown over her and nuzzled into her neck.

"Is it just me or was that even better than I remembered?" Kelley questioned.

"Not just you, I think you broke me," Christen replied tiredly.

Kelley chuckled softly, "You started it."

"Yeah, and you sure as hell finished it," Christen replied kissing the top of Kelley's head. 

"I think we both did if I remember correctly."

"Shut up," Christen teased as Kelley laughed under her breath. They drifted off to sleep easily not bothering to move under the covers.

 


	11. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after Kelley and Christen sleep together (again)

Christen woke up to the sound of water running and her eyes opened in panic for a moment until she woke up enough to remember the events of the night before. She and Kelley had slept together, and it was better than any memories from college she had tried to keep out of her mind but failed. She went to grab her phone from her night stand to check the time and groaned when she realized it was probably across the hall on the ground of the guest room with her clothes from the night before. The bed was far too comfy to move and she opted instead to roll back over and close her eyes as the soft sounds of the shower running carried her back to sleep. 

The second time Christen awoke that morning was to the feeling of damp hair hitting her back and soft kisses being pressed to her shoulder. She smiled into the pillow her face was pressed against.  _I could get used to this._

"You're wet," Christen spoke softly her voice slightly hoarse.

Kelley paused waiting for Christen to wake up fully and hear the easy joke in her words.

"Fuck, you know what I mean. Your hair is wet," Christen said as she rolled over onto her back to face Kelley who was sitting on the edge of the bed next to Christen and smirking at her. Christen watched as Kelley's eyes flickered down to Christen's bare breasts that were no longer covered by the sheets. Kelley bit her lip and looked back up to Christen's face. Judging by the look on Christen's face, she had asked Kelley a question at some point while Kelley was busy taking in a half naked Christen in bed.

"Sorry, what?"

Christen just smirked pleased with the affect she was having on Kelley and deciding to toy with her a little bit. After all, Kelley did this to her all the time traipsing around the house in only a sports bra and shorts so it was only fair to get a little revenge. Christen threw the sheet fully off of her and swung her legs off the bed standing up and walking towards her closet. 

"I just wanted to know if you wanted to go out for brunch or just eat here," Christen called out from the closet as she pretended to be searching for a shirt. 

Kelley's eyes raked over Christen's body hungrily. She heard Christen's words but she was struggling to get any valid response out. 

"Here," Kelley choked out her voice higher than usual. 

Christen smiled to herself pleased that her torture of Kelley seemed to be working effectively. For her grand finale, she "dropped" the shirt she had taken from her dresser on the floor and bent over in the doorway of the closet to pick it up giving Kelley a perfect view of her ass. She heard Kelley groan and chuckled silently to herself before picking the Kentucky blue shirt up and tossing it over her head.

When she turned around, she expected to find Kelley staring at her hungrily from the bed. Instead she found herself being pinned against the doorframe of her closet as soon as she had turned around. Kelley pushed her by the hips firmly until she felt the frame between her shoulder blades. It wasn't comfortable at all but the look Kelley was giving her had her mesmerized enough not to care. 

"You're so not fair," Kelley husked as she leaned forward to place kisses to Christen's neck. 

Christen brought her hands up running them through Kelley's still damp hair and letting her head fall back against the door frame not bothering to respond to Kelley apart from a small moan that escaped her lips when Kelley found her favorite spot behind her ear. 

Kelley's hands were pushing up the Hem of the T-shirt  Christen had just put on as she took her time kissing Christen's neck. Christen was dying at the pace Kelley was setting as she was still turned on from the night before. She moved her hands to the waistband of the shorts Kelley had on and was about to push her hands underneath it to touch Kelley when Kelley's hand grabbed her wrist. Kelley leaned back to face Christen her eyes full of desire, but her face engaged in a smirk as she raised an eyebrow at Christen. 

"If you're going to torture me like that, then I get to touch you first."

Christen nearly groaned out loud. She doesn't know why she even tried. Kelley always had the upper hand at the end of the day. She didn't even have to try to have Christen in the palm of her hand. Kelley brushed her thumb across Christen's wrist that was still in her hand and gently tugged Christen's hand back up and tossed it over her shoulder before leaning in until their lips met in a hungry kiss. 

Their lips clashed eagerly as Christen wrapped both her arms around Kelley's shoulders knowing it was futile to resist at this point. She could feel the wetness growing between her still bare legs as she hadn't gotten a chance to finish dressing. Kelley's hands were firm against her hips as they pulled her off the door frame and slowly moved her to the wall next to the closet.

Kelley broke away from their kiss leaving one last lingering peck to Christen's lips before leaning down to kiss her breasts and lick down her body. Christen watched as Kelley knelt down in front of her and her body twitched in anticipation. Kelley looked up at her as she bit the inside of Christen's thigh before grabbing Christen's legs to nudge them farther apart and leaning in to taste Christen. Kelley moaned as Christen threw her head back against the wall and stifled her own moan. Christen's hand found Kelley's hand that was raking across her stomach and gripped it tightly as Kelley's tongue explored around Christen's clit. Moans rolled off Christen's lips as Kelley continued to work her over. Christen's legs tingled as she found it harder to hold herself up with every swipe of Kelley's tongue. 

Kelley could feel Christen slipping down the wall as she swirled her tongue around the sides of Christen's clit one last time before popping back up to her feet. Christen groaned at the loss of contact but the groan was silenced by Kelley's lips meeting her own. She hummed in contentment as she tasted herself on Kelley's tongue. She was so lost in the feeling of Kelley she almost didn't notice that Kelley was grabbing behind her thighs. Christen got the hint and hopped up to wrap her legs around Kelley's waist as Kelley lifted her off the floor. 

"Fuck, Kell. That's so damn hot." Christen whispered as Kelley carried her to the bed and sat Christen down on the edge of it. 

Kelley just smiled at Christen's comment as she sat her down and knelt in front of her again. Christen sat expectantly on the edge of the bed as Kelley pulled her closer to the edge by her hips. Christen's heart was pounding as Kelley went back to work gently licking through Christen to taste her before settling her tongue against her clit. Christen moaned loudly as her whole body reacted to Kelley's tongue. She couldn't comprehend the words leaving her mouth as Kelley moved one hand up to play with Christen's breasts and gently sucked on her clit. 

"Fuck, Kell," Christen panted as her arms trembled against the weight of her body barely keeping her sitting up. Kelley moaned against her clit and her tongue flicked against the one spot that always drove Christen crazy and Christen's whole body shook as she came. She fell against the matress as her body writhed in pleasure. Kelley didn't stop the movement of her tongue until Christen pulled at Kelley's hair signalling for her to stop. She complied crawling off the ground and up onto the bed until she was snuggled into Christen's side. Christen's chest was still heaving as she struggled to recover. Kelley brushed a hand across Christen's chest and Christen twitched. 

"Fuck, so sensitive. I think I died," Christen breathed out as she pulled Kelley further into her side. 

Kelley chuckled dryly, "Don't die on me. Someone has to pay rent."

Christen scoffed sarcastically, "Rent, huh? Is that all I'm good for? Keep it up and I'll start charging you."

"Wait, I thought I just paid my rent?"

Christen laughed heartily at Kelley's comment, "Did you just call yourself a prostitute?"

"A girl's gotta eat, if you know what I mean" Kelley shrugged and Christen's laugh deepened until they both were nearly in tears. 

"You're ridiculous," Christen whispered as their laughter subsided. 

"But I made you laugh, so it's worth it."

Christen grinned at the response. She had spent years trying to tell herself she didn't want what she has right now. She told herself she could have this with someone else, but God it just feels so much better that she gets to have it with Kelley. She feels it right then. The feeling she had identified far too late in college.  _Love._ She feels it and it scares her just as much as it scared her then. 

She feels Kelley shift next to her in bed to sit up and feels Kelley's eyes on her. 

"What's wrong?" Kelley asks nervously into the suddenly tense silence of the room. She had felt Christen stiffen as she laid in her arms. The abrupt shift had scared her, but she wasn't about to fall into old habits of not talking. 

Christen looked up into Kelley's eyes and took a deep breath. 

"Nothing, it's nothing. I'm just thinking." 

"About?"

Christen sighed not even sure she can voice her own neurotic thoughts out loud. She hated this part of herself. It didn't matter that she'd just had amazing sex morning and night with the woman she'd had what she thought were unrequited feelings for for years. There was always that part of her brain telling her that she wasn't good enough and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"I don't know, it makes no sense," Christen replied her voice slightly uneven. 

Kelley paused. She wanted to push the subject as something was clearly bothering Christen, but she also didn't want to push Christen too far too fast. She settled for a neutral response instead of pressing things.

"Well, will you tell me when you can make sense of it?"

Christen smiled softly reaching for the hand Kelley had laid on her stomach and intertwining their fingers. 

"Sure, Kell."

Kelley grinned back at her and leaned down to press a kiss to Christen's forehead before hopping up from the bed and pulling Christen up with her insisting that she needed another shower. 

They spent the next hour exploring each other in the shower. They didn't speak again of Christen's freeze up moment, but it was nagging in both of their minds as they drifted off to sleep that night. Christen securely wrapped in Kelley's arms as she laid awake trying to figure out a way not to fuck this up.

 


	12. Send me the Support Guide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christen falls into old habits.

Several weeks passed in a blur of sex and sarcasm for Christen as Kelley gave up the air mattress and guest room to take up residence on the right side of Christen's bed. Christen was undeniably happy at home for the first time in a long time, but something was still nagging in the back of her head. She was in love with Kelley that much she knew, but the nagging fear in the back of her mind was almost as strong as her love for Kelley at this point. Kelley had of course noticed the brief moments of fear always asking about it and getting a non-committal response in return. As Christen sat at lunch with Ali on a Friday afternoon, she was distracted by the constant stream of thoughts stirring in her mind. _What's wrong with me that I can't tell Kelley how I feel? What if I tell her how I feel and she leaves? What if I don't tell her how I feel and she leaves? Is this what everyone in a relationship feels like? Is it supposed to feel like this? Am I just fucked up?_

Christen blinked as a hand waved in her face.

"You okay?"

Christen shook her head and shrugged.

"I take it that's a 'I'm not okay' in Christen speak. Do you want to talk about it?" 

Christen nodded looking around the brewery that was full of her co-workers. 

"Yeah, let's go out back though. There are too many people in here."

Ali stood up waving to get their usual servers attention and motioning out the back door to let him know they were switching tables. He gave a quick thumbs up holding a glass up to confirm they both would want another round. Ali nodded in confirmation before following Christen out through the back door and sitting down at one of the long picnic tables across from Christen. Christen sighed deeply draining the last of her current beer.

"I don't know how to even start," Christen whispered as she fidgeted with her hands in her lap avoiding eye contact with Ali. 

"Holy shit, are you pregnant?" Ali joked loudly earning a glance from a group of hipsters vaping in the far corner of the patio. 

Christen glanced up at this rolling her eyes but fighting a smile. 

"Ash is rubbing off on you way too much. You know that?"

Ali shrugged laughing softly at her own joke knowing that a little diversion usually got Christen to open up when she was ready. Sure enough, Christen launched into a sleu of comments and questions within seconds.

"Have you ever - do you ever just - I don't know like wonder if there's something wrong with you? Like you have this amazing relationship, but you just like constantly worry you won't do the right thing or say the right thing at the exactly right time, and you're so scared of it all that you just can't do or say anything at all. I just I think I'm fucked up or like wasn't socialized properly or something. Sometimes I think I'm like a partial sociopath like I just don't get how normal people should feel or act but just for romantic relationships. I don't know I think I'm just losing my fucking mind, Al."

Ali listened intently trying to process all of Christen's rant before responding as Christen fought back tears from the relief of somewhat verbalizing what she had been feeling for the past few weeks. 

"I don't think you're losing it, Chris. I think you're scared. Did I ever tell you about when Ash and I almost broke up?"

Christen shook her head looking up at Ali befuddled at how the seemingly most perfect couple could've ever almost broken up.

"I didn't know I was even interested in women until I met Ash. I mean sure subconsciously signs were there now that I look back, but I had successfully repressed those feelings until I met her. When we met, it was instant connection. I mean Uhaul on the second date type connection. We moved fast and it was amazing, but it was also overwhelming. My heart was about 15 miles ahead of where my brain was about our relationship. It took a toll on us. I was withdrawn and anxious trying to reconcile the idea and vision of myself I had with this suddenly new development that was far from what I had planned. She nearly gave up. I was so in my head all the time I wasn't present anymore. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Christen nodded her head, "So how'd you fix it?"

Ali smiled expecting the question and reminiscing back to a moment in her first apartment in the city. Ashlyn had enough of the neurosis induced silence from Ali and called her out on everything.

"I didn't fix it," Ali said smiling at the memory of Ashlyn's words during perhaps the most pivotal point in their relationship so far. 

"Wow, how comforting."

"Shut up, I'm not done. I didn't fix it, Chris, because Ashlyn and I fixed it together or rather she made me talk it out and realize that thoughts and feelings aren't something that need 'fixing'. They are something that needs talked about though especially if you are at a point where it's creating distance between you and someone that's important to you."

"So in summary, I should just grow the fuck up and talk to Kelley?" Christen retorted groaning as she knew Ali was right, but she didn't like the answer.

Ali chuckled at Christen's dramatics, "Pretty much, sorry to break it to you but relationships are this fucking hard sometimes. You know Kelley is crazy about you though so just keep that in mind. She won't run away. I'm sure of it."

Christen sighed as their favorite server, Daryl, appeared with two full beers setting them on the table quickly before walking away. She knew Ali was right, but she still had no fucking idea how to bring all of this up with Kelley. She wished there was a support guide for this shit like instead of how to do xyz in a certain software just a guide on how to be an adult and talk to your girlfriend about your crazy. 

 

By the time Christen returned home, the sun was setting behind the mountains. She unlocked the door to find Kelley wearing just shorts and a sports bra while filling a water bottle. Kelley turned at the sound of the door knob turning and grinned as she saw Christen walking through the door. Christen bit her lip at the sight of Kelley in her usual post workout apparel. 

"Hey, Chris," Kelley smirked as she sealed the lid back on her water bottle. Truth be told, Kelley didn't really need to take off her shirt every time she got home from a workout, but she enjoyed making Christen squirm too much to stop now. Plus, it was payback for all the times Christen wandered around the bedroom naked in the morning before getting ready for work.

Christen didn't respond at first too caught up in planning her exact next move. The conversation with Ali was still fresh in her mind and she walked in determined to talk to Kelley, but she grew distracted quickly at the sight of post-workout Kelley.  _No one should be that sexy._

"Hey," Christen whispered as she fumbled with her keys still in the doorway. 

"Don't I get a proper 'hello'?" Kelley pouted from the kitchen before walking towards Christen and taking her keys out of her hand to set them on the table near the door. Christen rolled her eyes playfully before leaning in to place a soft kiss to Kelley's lips. Kelley smiled as Christen pulled back. 

"Much better, what do you want to do ton-"

"Can we talk?" Christen rushed out interrupting Kelley. Kelley's eyebrows raised in surprise before furrowing into concern.  _Those words are never comforting to hear without context._

"Sorry, I just worked myself up all the way home to talk to you and I don't want to bitch out," Christen blushed before taking Kelley's hand and stroking her thumb along the top of Kelley's knuckles comfortingly. The gesture seemed to work as Kelley's face relaxed minutely and she gestured towards the couch. Kelley sat on the couch expecting Christen to join her, but Christen opted to pace back and forth instead pausing periodically to look at Kelley but stopping herself before she started speaking. 

Kelley waited patiently concerned but a little bemused at how cute Christen was when she was trying to hype herself up to do something. Finally, Christen paused turning to look at Kelley again and spoke softly. 

"I don't do feelings very well, Kel," Christen groaned, "Yes, that rhymed just ignore that for now." 

Kelley stifled a laugh at that not wanting to stop Christen. 

"I don't know how to talk about feelings, and I don't know why. I know it should be simple, but it's just not for me, but I -," Christen paused clearing her throat, "I want you to know that I want to try to learn how to with you, because I really want this to work. But I may need you to teach me, because my record shows I'm pretty fucking bad at telling you how I feel or you know other normal girlfriend functions."

Kelley laughed softly at that, "I don't know, Chris. I can think of at least a few girlfriend functions that you are pretty good at."

"Shut up, that was my best feelings speech and you're ruining it."

Christen grinned despite herself as Kelley stood up from the couch and pulled Christen into a tight hug. Kelley nuzzled into Christen's neck and placed a soft kiss at the spot Christen usually liked a soft bite. 

_"_ I love you too," Kelley whispered as she pulled back to look Christen in the eyes again, "I just want to be with you. We can work the rest out as we go."

Christen was beaming as her shoulders relaxed with a breath she didn't know she was holding. 

"You love me?" Christen asked quietly with a tone of slight surprise as if it was meant for only herself to hear.

"That was my best romantic girlfriend. Now who is ruining it?" Kelley quirked an eyebrow teasingly as Christen rolled her eyes.

"You started it," Christen replied pulling Kelley closer by the waistband of her shorts and placing a quick kiss to her lips. 

"Want me to finish it, too?" 

Christen hummed before leaning in for a longer kiss letting Kelley guide her back towards the couch until she was straddling Kelley. The kiss deepened as Kelley's hands roamed Christen's skin underneath the back of her shirt. Christen pulled back breathless as her chest heaved with want. Kelley's eyes were glazed in want as she laid her head on the back of the couch just looking at Christen. 

"I love you," Christen whispered not waiting for further reciprocation from Kelley as she pulled Kelley back in for more. 

_Maybe it wasn't normal having your girlfriend say 'I love you, too' before you even said 'I love you', but Christen didn't do well with normal anyways._


End file.
